Jehovah Jireh

$1,033.00

That is the number written on the whiteboard two weeks ago in front of my name. It is the amount of money that I was short for outreach fees. I had no idea how I would get it.

Should I empty out my emergency savings fund? Should I empty out my little bit of money in my checking account? Should I call my Dad and ask him for the money? Each time I took it to the Lord, I felt a holding back in my spirit. I continued to pray about it, waiting for Him to show me what to do.

The money was due Friday, March 10. A few days before that I received two anonymous donations to my account...one for $55 and one for $25. My balance went from $1,033 to $953. Still a long way to go. Maybe God would direct someone from church to give me money. I was believing Him for it, and I was being obedient in my waiting. Sunday came and went - nothing. What's up with this, Lord???

The deadline was extended to March 17. Another week. How would God provide? I continued to ask what I should do. As I would get caught up in worry I felt pulled back to trust God for this. I wanted to just jump in there and make it happen myself, but I've had enough bad experiences to know that I shouldn't try to make this happen in my own effort - but I was frustrated! Impatient!!

Thursday came. One more day til the money was due. Would you do it for me, God? I was railing against the limits of myself. I couldn't hold on any longer. I'd been saying that all week, but then would find the strength for one more day, but this time I really felt at the end.

I threw a temper tantrum with God. During the tantrum, I knew I'd have to repent for it, but I just didn't care - I was mad, and He was gonna hear it! I reminded him - YOU told me to come here! YOU SAID you would provide for me. YOU SAID you wanted me to trust you. YOU SAID, YOU SAID, YOU SAID. You said all this stuff, God - so WHERE ARE YOU? Why aren't you doing what you said? Oh yes, I was railing against God. I was really intense - I wanted to hit something or kick something or scream. I shook my fist and demanded He answer me. I cried and cried. Eventually the fight was drained out of me. I felt that I was given two verses...the first one was "you have been saved by GRACE, and NOT by works, so that no man can boast"...the second was "what you have begun in the spirit, do not finish in the flesh". Okay, loud and clear - Dayna, do not try to figure this out in your own strength...wait on Me. Ok, Lord - I will wait - but I am feeling like a racehorse at the gate, straining against the door, wanting to run out and do it myself, wanting to break through that door and make it happen. But I will wait.

I went to dinner and was telling Paul and Susan about my temper tantrum - Paul could understand - he's had a few himself. He reminded me to be patient, to wait on God. He laughingly told me I'd have to repent for my tantrum and I told I knew it, and I hoped it would have to be soon!

Later that night I was meeting with one of the teachers from the week and she gave me $20 - it was a start!

Friday morning arrived and I was the only one with outstanding fees due. The class prayed for me. Later, I handed the $20 over to Marleen, the girl who is in charge of outreach fees. At lunch she brought me a receipt - but wait...there were two receipts. I opened them up - one for the $20 and another with an anonymous donation for $300! I was excited, but still...there was another $633 to go - a long way.

Friday afternoon my small group went into town for some Jamba Juice and just to relax. We got back just before work duties were to start, but George told me that Ken had called and I needed to call him first. I called him in his office. Ken is the leader of our Crossroads class. He told me that a check for $100 had come in and I needed to come and endorse it. Then he told me that another $500 anonymous donation had been pledged, but had not yet come in - however, it was on it's way and so my outreach fees still outstanding were $33, which were waived. $920 in one day!!!!!! And of that, only $120 from people I knew. God DID come through...He took me to the very end of my rope, and then came in to rescue me.

Why did He wait so long? I'm convinced He's teaching me to trust in Him, stretching my faith. Teaching me not to do things in my own strength, but to wait on Him. It's a hard lesson for me. No. Really, it is a HARD, HARD lesson for me.

So, the end of this little story is that I'm all paid up for outreach!!! I'm excited! God came through! And I even learned a little something in all of it. Besides the stuff already mentioned, I also learned that God can use my anger to get me to be really, REALLY honest and real with Him, and through that He can work with me. I also learned that God has big shoulders and He can take it when I throw a fit. He doesn't punish me or impune me or tell me to get over it - He just lets me get it all out and then deals with me when I've calmed down.

There is more about what happened this week, but I'll save that for another time. For now - have a great weekend!!!