The man came out, weeping.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you here? Why would you do this for me? I have done nothing to deserve this!"
This was our first encounter with the family we were to build a house for. The father went on to tell us how his daughter was sleeping in the car because there was no room for her in the small house they lived in. He was very fearful for her safety and couldn't comprehend why we had come to help him.
"We are here because God has loved us, and He has asked us to love others."
Throughout the week, the man worked as hard as anyone else on the site, a growing curiosity in his eyes. Then, on Friday, he approached the site supervisor - "I've been having dreams. In my dreams, I see heaven and I see hell. Someone is telling me I have to choose. The Jehovah's Witnesses came to my house yesterday. I told them about my dreams. They say there is no hell. What do you say?"
The Supervisor told him, "There is a heaven and a hell. There is only one way to get to heaven, and that is by knowing Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour." The supervisor went on to tell the man that God was speaking to him through his dreams, and asking him to make a decision. The man responded, saying "I want to become a Christian today!"
As we gathered around the man and his family to pray over them and to dedicate their new home, he stepped forward and accepted Jesus as his saviour. Weeping, he repeated over and over "me siento diferente! me siento diferente!" - I feel different! I feel different!
What a testimony - the only thing we did was show up. God had cultivated the seed, and brought it to bear. We were simply in the right place at the right time. We will continue to follow up with this family and to get them connected into the local Christian community and church. The amazing thing about this story is that Oaxacan men do not cry. They do not show emotion. They are stoic and reserved. But when God's spirit falls on us, we cannot help but to weep as we consider His great love for us.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sentir & Sentar - worlds apart
I drove one team up on Saturday, spent the night in San Diego and drove another team down on Sunday. This is quite exhausting! The days can be long and the nights short, with hard work in between. It's fun and I love it, but I also get tired.
After driving the team back down on Sunday, we stopped at Papa Ruben's for an "all-you-can-eat" taco dinner. Everyone LOVES Papa Ruben, and his awesome food at Pollo Loco. I helped him with getting the orders and the food out for 60 people. Afterward, as people milled about visiting outside and looking at the little ladies' stuff, I sank down into a chair and said to Papa Ruben:
"Oh Papa Ruben, tengo mucho sueno - que bueno sentirme. Muy bien a sentir, no? Puedes sentir tambien."
On and on I rambled...all the while Papa Ruben looked at me quizzically. Finally, Mama Lupita leaned over and whispered "sentarse!" I saw the light of understanding go on in Papa Ruben's eyes.
Suddenly, it all became clear - while I thought I had been saying:
"Oh my Papa Ruben, I am so tired. It feels so good to sit down. You ought to sit down too, we've worked hard! Doesn't it feel good to sit down and rest?"
When in fact I had been saying:
"Oh my Papa Ruben, I am so tired. It feels so good to feel. You ought to feel, too. Doesn't it feel good to feel?"
Yes, I did. Sentir is to feel, while Sentar is to sit. So close - and yet so very far away. We all got a good laugh and I was humbled and reminded how much further I have yet to go with my Spanish...
After driving the team back down on Sunday, we stopped at Papa Ruben's for an "all-you-can-eat" taco dinner. Everyone LOVES Papa Ruben, and his awesome food at Pollo Loco. I helped him with getting the orders and the food out for 60 people. Afterward, as people milled about visiting outside and looking at the little ladies' stuff, I sank down into a chair and said to Papa Ruben:
"Oh Papa Ruben, tengo mucho sueno - que bueno sentirme. Muy bien a sentir, no? Puedes sentir tambien."
On and on I rambled...all the while Papa Ruben looked at me quizzically. Finally, Mama Lupita leaned over and whispered "sentarse!" I saw the light of understanding go on in Papa Ruben's eyes.
Suddenly, it all became clear - while I thought I had been saying:
"Oh my Papa Ruben, I am so tired. It feels so good to sit down. You ought to sit down too, we've worked hard! Doesn't it feel good to sit down and rest?"
When in fact I had been saying:
"Oh my Papa Ruben, I am so tired. It feels so good to feel. You ought to feel, too. Doesn't it feel good to feel?"
Yes, I did. Sentir is to feel, while Sentar is to sit. So close - and yet so very far away. We all got a good laugh and I was humbled and reminded how much further I have yet to go with my Spanish...
Small Seeds, Sown in the Dust
A few weeks ago I was down in Mexico once again. Summertime is a busy time, and I've been running almost non-stop now since April. I have to admit that it is getting harder and harder to come back to the States! I love America, but I feel that my calling is outside of her borders...whether in Mexico, Guatemala, Fiji or elsewhere, there is something deep within me that comes alive when I am doing God's work amongst the nations.
As you may or may not know, Sierra had the opportunity to go to China for 3 weeks to minister and work there with a group through YWAM called King's Kids. While she was away in China, I was down in Mexico for a few weeks, leading home-building teams. Seven homes were built in the 2 weeks I was down.
At one of the houses, there were a multitude of kids...they were running all over the place causing general mayhem everywhere they went. I was doing my best to add to the mayhem by plying them with candy every time I came by. When I hand out anything in Mexico, I explain to the kids how important it is to receive well, and to maintain their God-given dignity by using their manners and not giving in to pushing, shoving, etc. I explain that they must say please at the beginning and thank you afterward. If they do not use their manners, they do not get a candy. If they start to push or shove, the candy is put away and everyone loses out. They're smart kids - they get it quickly. Well, one day I get to the house and about 25 kids surround me, hoping for a piece of candy. Soon, they are all chanting in unison - "dame un dulce, por favor! dame un dulce, por favor!" - "Give me a candy, please! Give me a candy, please!" It was pretty funny, all those little kids chanting this over and over! I felt like a mama bird with all her little birdies around chirping for some worm!! I took out my bag and said "una fila!" - a line! - and they all lined themselves up, smallest to biggest, to receive their candy. As they come up for their candy, I am able to speak value into them with the smallest of gestures - "What's your name? What pretty hair you have! I see you are a strong man! I like how gentle you are with your little sister!" Such little words, but they have a huge impact.
I was visiting with the family and several of the kids were inside. They have 6 people living in a block building about 10' x 8' square feet. Outside dust swirled around and got into every pore of our bodies. Inside there was a refrigerator, a table with a 2 burner cook stove and two wooden structures that we could sit on, that doubled as beds at night. This is the sum of all their earthly goods. As I visited with them, I asked the kids if they liked to sing songs. Boy! Did I ever hit on a goldmine! They LOVED singing songs. For the next hour I sang songs with them. Mind you - I only have two Spanish kids songs memorized. We sang those songs every which way you could imagine - loud, soft, silly, deep voice, baby voice. Those kids just couldn't get enough. I remember thinking somewhere in the midst of it, "this is what it's all about" - sitting there, singing my two silly little songs with these kids - somehow knowing I was right where God had me for that moment. It was a sweet feeling. Every time I saw them afterward, they wanted to sing more songs.
I'm proud to say that my repertoire has now grown to four songs - I've doubled it!
It's amazing to me that in those small moments, seemingly insignificant, that God's light shines the brightest. It is there that the smallest of seeds are sown, in the dust of a forsaken place, where ony He can cause them to burst forth into full bloom. What a privilege I have to take part in it!
As you may or may not know, Sierra had the opportunity to go to China for 3 weeks to minister and work there with a group through YWAM called King's Kids. While she was away in China, I was down in Mexico for a few weeks, leading home-building teams. Seven homes were built in the 2 weeks I was down.
At one of the houses, there were a multitude of kids...they were running all over the place causing general mayhem everywhere they went. I was doing my best to add to the mayhem by plying them with candy every time I came by. When I hand out anything in Mexico, I explain to the kids how important it is to receive well, and to maintain their God-given dignity by using their manners and not giving in to pushing, shoving, etc. I explain that they must say please at the beginning and thank you afterward. If they do not use their manners, they do not get a candy. If they start to push or shove, the candy is put away and everyone loses out. They're smart kids - they get it quickly. Well, one day I get to the house and about 25 kids surround me, hoping for a piece of candy. Soon, they are all chanting in unison - "dame un dulce, por favor! dame un dulce, por favor!" - "Give me a candy, please! Give me a candy, please!" It was pretty funny, all those little kids chanting this over and over! I felt like a mama bird with all her little birdies around chirping for some worm!! I took out my bag and said "una fila!" - a line! - and they all lined themselves up, smallest to biggest, to receive their candy. As they come up for their candy, I am able to speak value into them with the smallest of gestures - "What's your name? What pretty hair you have! I see you are a strong man! I like how gentle you are with your little sister!" Such little words, but they have a huge impact.
I was visiting with the family and several of the kids were inside. They have 6 people living in a block building about 10' x 8' square feet. Outside dust swirled around and got into every pore of our bodies. Inside there was a refrigerator, a table with a 2 burner cook stove and two wooden structures that we could sit on, that doubled as beds at night. This is the sum of all their earthly goods. As I visited with them, I asked the kids if they liked to sing songs. Boy! Did I ever hit on a goldmine! They LOVED singing songs. For the next hour I sang songs with them. Mind you - I only have two Spanish kids songs memorized. We sang those songs every which way you could imagine - loud, soft, silly, deep voice, baby voice. Those kids just couldn't get enough. I remember thinking somewhere in the midst of it, "this is what it's all about" - sitting there, singing my two silly little songs with these kids - somehow knowing I was right where God had me for that moment. It was a sweet feeling. Every time I saw them afterward, they wanted to sing more songs.
I'm proud to say that my repertoire has now grown to four songs - I've doubled it!
It's amazing to me that in those small moments, seemingly insignificant, that God's light shines the brightest. It is there that the smallest of seeds are sown, in the dust of a forsaken place, where ony He can cause them to burst forth into full bloom. What a privilege I have to take part in it!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Come As You Are
Did you ever go to a "come as you are" party? Oh yeah - lots of fun!!
So, this past Saturday I kidnapped all of the teen girls on base by waking them up bright and early on a Saturday morning. I went in to each of their houses, woke them up and gave them 30 seconds to get up, get ready and get out the door.
I was met with a few cranky groans, but mostly everyone had a lot of fun after they woke up a bit. We went to IHOP for breakfast, and after we got home I went back to bed!!
We had a good time - with all the girls in their PJ's. I feel blessed that I get to hang out with these great young people. They are all such good kids and have great hearts for the Lord!!Friday, February 29, 2008
Small Miracles
In January I was able to go down with a group from my church up here in Chico. This was really fun as I got to know people better and we had a great time. They built a “double” (20’ x 22’) for a family. The mom had 6 children – her oldest was 18 and she was (very) pregnant with her third – so, 10 people in all. This family really made it deep into our hearts.
The mom’s name was “Molesta”…in Spanish this means “bother” – can you imagine if your parents named you “bother” and that is what everyone called you for your whole life? I really believe in the prophetic power of our names, and how they help to shape us – there is biblical principle for this when we examine how God would change people’s names to give them a new destiny in their life (think of Jacob to Israel, or Saul to Paul). It really bothered me that this was her name, and I could hardly bring myself to believe it, let alone call her this name. What a cloak of shame to bear! We had the unique privilege of speaking into her life prophetically and changing her name to “Bendiga”, which means “bless”. It was so cute…the kids kept saying “you changed my mom’s name to Bendiga!” with these great big smiles and giggles.
This last week I was down again, and I went to visit Bendiga (more on that later) – her kids were still saying this! I talked with her and said if she wanted to make it more official, we could baptize her with this name. She is thinking about it, and we may baptize her next month with I’m down! Please keep her in your prayers that God would totally have His was with this wonderful family.
One of Bendiga’s children was 5 year old Esteban. He had been born with some sort of disability and was extremely small. His 6th birthday was February 6, yet he was only the size of a 5 or 6 month old infant. When he was born, the doctors told his mom that he hadn’t eaten well in the womb and his intestines were tied up, so he’d had surgery for that and had been in ICU in Tijuana for 3 months. The doctors told his mom he probably wouldn’t live. We had been told that he was paralyzed and blind. We asked if we could see him, and his sister reluctantly let us hold
him. She initially told us he was allergic to the sun, be we took him outside and promised to keep him in the shade. We noticed he moved a bit, and he even seemed to be able to track us – although one eye was badly crossed. We cleaned him up and changed his diaper and clothes. We held him, rocked him, sang to him and basically fawned over this little guy.
The mom’s name was “Molesta”…in Spanish this means “bother” – can you imagine if your parents named you “bother” and that is what everyone called you for your whole life? I really believe in the prophetic power of our names, and how they help to shape us – there is biblical principle for this when we examine how God would change people’s names to give them a new destiny in their life (think of Jacob to Israel, or Saul to Paul). It really bothered me that this was her name, and I could hardly bring myself to believe it, let alone call her this name. What a cloak of shame to bear! We had the unique privilege of speaking into her life prophetically and changing her name to “Bendiga”, which means “bless”. It was so cute…the kids kept saying “you changed my mom’s name to Bendiga!” with these great big smiles and giggles.
This last week I was down again, and I went to visit Bendiga (more on that later) – her kids were still saying this! I talked with her and said if she wanted to make it more official, we could baptize her with this name. She is thinking about it, and we may baptize her next month with I’m down! Please keep her in your prayers that God would totally have His was with this wonderful family.
One of Bendiga’s children was 5 year old Esteban. He had been born with some sort of disability and was extremely small. His 6th birthday was February 6, yet he was only the size of a 5 or 6 month old infant. When he was born, the doctors told his mom that he hadn’t eaten well in the womb and his intestines were tied up, so he’d had surgery for that and had been in ICU in Tijuana for 3 months. The doctors told his mom he probably wouldn’t live. We had been told that he was paralyzed and blind. We asked if we could see him, and his sister reluctantly let us hold
him. She initially told us he was allergic to the sun, be we took him outside and promised to keep him in the shade. We noticed he moved a bit, and he even seemed to be able to track us – although one eye was badly crossed. We cleaned him up and changed his diaper and clothes. We held him, rocked him, sang to him and basically fawned over this little guy.In Mexico, there is still a lot of misunderstanding over children born with disabilities. People think it is a punishment for some sin, and it is shameful to have a disabled child. I learned that often the parent will simply smother an infant who is clearly disabled at birth and say the child died in childbirth. It is heartbreaking, and an area to pray into as the enemy uses this to deceive and bring people into bondage. It was a testament to Bendiga that she loved and cared for Esteban, despite the social condemnation. (It occurs to me just now that perhaps God allowed her to have that horrible name so she would know how to stand up under the pressure of social condemnation and be strong in raising her son…hmmm – something to think about). Although Bendiga did all she could, Esteban was clearly not doing well. He was dirty and malnourished. He was kept in a dark corner of the room under heavy blankets day in and day out while she went to work and his sister kept care of him.
We took him to the orphanage to have the doctor take a look at him and see what could be done. The doctor had great news!! A LOT could be done for Esteban…his quality of life could be greatly increased. He wasn’t paralyzed – he could learn to use his muscles with proper therapy. He wasn’t blind – we could arrange surgery for him over the summer when a team of eye surgeons came down. We were able to get medicine for his cough, fresh diapers, clean clothes. We spoke with a woman at the orphanage who works with disabled kids there and were able to get him into a day care program where they would pick him up at home, bring him there for the day – feed him, wash his dirty clothes, interact with him and work with him to begin using his muscles (under the direction to of the physical therapist who just “happened” to be there that week!). We scheduled a more thorough medical appointment for him the next month with a pediatrician to get a diagnosis on his condition and a better idea of his prognosis. We went to the wheelchair department of the orphanage and they had just “happened” to get in a new child-size chair that was the *perfect* fit and style for him. The PT said that he’d seen kids come from the wheelchair store with chairs that didn’t fit as well as this chair fit Esteban. There was some talk that our little guy could someday sit up, balance and possibly even walk with the help of a walker!! God was at work…everything was falling into place so perfectly. We were all very excited. Esteban was beginning to recognize me and would smile and laugh when I talked to him…it was amazing.
Then, a week and a half ago, I got an email. Esteban died. I couldn’t believe it. Why???!!?! Why did God allow all of those things to happen, and then take him home? I was so sad, yet I know that God is good. I know that He has a plan. I know that He has an ultimate purpose and that His will is perfect. I don’t know why little Esteban died, but I do know that he is in a place now where there are no limitations to his body. He can run and jump, laugh and play. He can talk and walk and see clearly. I know God had THIS team set aside for THIS family and that all that happened was not in vain. Maybe it’s like what occurred to me earlier – Bendiga bore that name to make her strong to raise Esteban…and then we were able to release her into a new destiny and that opened the door for the Lord to take Esteban home. Maybe it was simply for our team to show Bendiga and her family all that love for them and for Esteban, too…to be there to hold her up and to pour out God’s love on them, that he might be well-loved and cared for before he died. The truth is, God’s ways are not our ways – His thoughts are not our thoughts. We can never fully understand God – but we can know His character and we know that His character is loving and full of goodness and grace. What comfort we have in knowing that! So, while I don’t really understand all that happened, I know I can rely on God to make it all work out.
Please keep Bendiga and her family in your prayers during this difficult time. Pray that she would know how wide and how high and how far and how deep is the Father’s love for her and that He would reveal His good and perfect will in and through her…that her destiny would be released and that the Holy Spirit would be a balm of comfort during this time. I am praying that the curse of Molesta would be broken, and the blessing of Bendiga would be released in the heavenly realm. Thank you, Jesus!!
We took him to the orphanage to have the doctor take a look at him and see what could be done. The doctor had great news!! A LOT could be done for Esteban…his quality of life could be greatly increased. He wasn’t paralyzed – he could learn to use his muscles with proper therapy. He wasn’t blind – we could arrange surgery for him over the summer when a team of eye surgeons came down. We were able to get medicine for his cough, fresh diapers, clean clothes. We spoke with a woman at the orphanage who works with disabled kids there and were able to get him into a day care program where they would pick him up at home, bring him there for the day – feed him, wash his dirty clothes, interact with him and work with him to begin using his muscles (under the direction to of the physical therapist who just “happened” to be there that week!). We scheduled a more thorough medical appointment for him the next month with a pediatrician to get a diagnosis on his condition and a better idea of his prognosis. We went to the wheelchair department of the orphanage and they had just “happened” to get in a new child-size chair that was the *perfect* fit and style for him. The PT said that he’d seen kids come from the wheelchair store with chairs that didn’t fit as well as this chair fit Esteban. There was some talk that our little guy could someday sit up, balance and possibly even walk with the help of a walker!! God was at work…everything was falling into place so perfectly. We were all very excited. Esteban was beginning to recognize me and would smile and laugh when I talked to him…it was amazing.
Then, a week and a half ago, I got an email. Esteban died. I couldn’t believe it. Why???!!?! Why did God allow all of those things to happen, and then take him home? I was so sad, yet I know that God is good. I know that He has a plan. I know that He has an ultimate purpose and that His will is perfect. I don’t know why little Esteban died, but I do know that he is in a place now where there are no limitations to his body. He can run and jump, laugh and play. He can talk and walk and see clearly. I know God had THIS team set aside for THIS family and that all that happened was not in vain. Maybe it’s like what occurred to me earlier – Bendiga bore that name to make her strong to raise Esteban…and then we were able to release her into a new destiny and that opened the door for the Lord to take Esteban home. Maybe it was simply for our team to show Bendiga and her family all that love for them and for Esteban, too…to be there to hold her up and to pour out God’s love on them, that he might be well-loved and cared for before he died. The truth is, God’s ways are not our ways – His thoughts are not our thoughts. We can never fully understand God – but we can know His character and we know that His character is loving and full of goodness and grace. What comfort we have in knowing that! So, while I don’t really understand all that happened, I know I can rely on God to make it all work out.
Please keep Bendiga and her family in your prayers during this difficult time. Pray that she would know how wide and how high and how far and how deep is the Father’s love for her and that He would reveal His good and perfect will in and through her…that her destiny would be released and that the Holy Spirit would be a balm of comfort during this time. I am praying that the curse of Molesta would be broken, and the blessing of Bendiga would be released in the heavenly realm. Thank you, Jesus!!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
New Directions
Alright, well, I’ve made this commitment to start writing in my blog again, so – here goes! A lot of things have changed lately, so I guess it’s as good a time as any to start back up.
Well, first off – as you may know, I’m no longer teaching at the base school (ICS). I was there for a year-and-a-half and it was both great and difficult – often at the same time! At the end of the 2006-2007 school year I was feeling pretty much “done” with it, but I continued on through the first semester of the 2007-2008 school year. I really had to press in and pray and God just totally met me – I had a great class and it was a phenomenal beginning. I felt like I was just hitting my stride and meeting with a lot of success and loving the classroom. Then, I was asked to move departments and join up with the Short Term Outreach department, which takes teams out for 1-2 weeks at a time. Isn’t it funny how God works…He didn’t rescue me when I was at the end of my rope, but instead took me to a place where I could leave the school feeling successful instead of defeated! He just always knows what He’s doing…I’m learning to depend on Him earlier and earlier in the process! =)
So, in January I moved over to the Short Term Outreach department…this is who I was helping out last summer when I was working with groups in Mexico. Now, I’ll be heading to Mexico for 1-2 weeks every month leading groups to do house builds or to work in an orphanage. It’s been a great transition and a lot of fun so far. Sierra is 
enjoying getting to come along with me and being part of the ministry. Sometimes she joins up with groups and helps to build, other times she runs around with me getting supplies and keeping everything running smoothly. She also spends time with the missionary’s kids down in Mexico, working on schoolwork or just hanging out with them.
So far, I’ve led teams in building 25 houses (this includes last summer, too). These homes are housing over 150 people! The great thing is that we’ve been able to witness to each of these families not only through our words, but also our actions and our love. I get the privilege of going back to visit some of the families, too.
Each week when we bring teams down, we go out into the community for an evening of outreach. Sometimes we visit a large drug rehab center and make a dinner of hot dogs for the guys, and share testimonies with them in their church service – this is a group of guys who have experienced the grace of God and are on fire with His Sprit!!! We also go to a smaller rehab sometimes and take a couple of pizzas, play a couple games of soccer on the beach and then have a big bonfire and fellowship
and share the love of God with each other (you might imagine this is popular with our young men!). One of my favorite outreaches is taking groups to visit some friends of mine who live the “camps” – they are field workers and live in extreme poverty conditions. We go out to where they live and bring a simple dinner and spend time praying with people, playing with kids and encouraging the families. I’ve taught the kids how to play this 
game where you go “give me 5, give me 5 high, give me 5 low (and then you pull your hand away and say) oops! Too slow!” They think this game is the best and want to play it endlessly.
Well, first off – as you may know, I’m no longer teaching at the base school (ICS). I was there for a year-and-a-half and it was both great and difficult – often at the same time! At the end of the 2006-2007 school year I was feeling pretty much “done” with it, but I continued on through the first semester of the 2007-2008 school year. I really had to press in and pray and God just totally met me – I had a great class and it was a phenomenal beginning. I felt like I was just hitting my stride and meeting with a lot of success and loving the classroom. Then, I was asked to move departments and join up with the Short Term Outreach department, which takes teams out for 1-2 weeks at a time. Isn’t it funny how God works…He didn’t rescue me when I was at the end of my rope, but instead took me to a place where I could leave the school feeling successful instead of defeated! He just always knows what He’s doing…I’m learning to depend on Him earlier and earlier in the process! =)
So, in January I moved over to the Short Term Outreach department…this is who I was helping out last summer when I was working with groups in Mexico. Now, I’ll be heading to Mexico for 1-2 weeks every month leading groups to do house builds or to work in an orphanage. It’s been a great transition and a lot of fun so far. Sierra is 
enjoying getting to come along with me and being part of the ministry. Sometimes she joins up with groups and helps to build, other times she runs around with me getting supplies and keeping everything running smoothly. She also spends time with the missionary’s kids down in Mexico, working on schoolwork or just hanging out with them.So far, I’ve led teams in building 25 houses (this includes last summer, too). These homes are housing over 150 people! The great thing is that we’ve been able to witness to each of these families not only through our words, but also our actions and our love. I get the privilege of going back to visit some of the families, too.
Each week when we bring teams down, we go out into the community for an evening of outreach. Sometimes we visit a large drug rehab center and make a dinner of hot dogs for the guys, and share testimonies with them in their church service – this is a group of guys who have experienced the grace of God and are on fire with His Sprit!!! We also go to a smaller rehab sometimes and take a couple of pizzas, play a couple games of soccer on the beach and then have a big bonfire and fellowship
and share the love of God with each other (you might imagine this is popular with our young men!). One of my favorite outreaches is taking groups to visit some friends of mine who live the “camps” – they are field workers and live in extreme poverty conditions. We go out to where they live and bring a simple dinner and spend time praying with people, playing with kids and encouraging the families. I’ve taught the kids how to play this 
game where you go “give me 5, give me 5 high, give me 5 low (and then you pull your hand away and say) oops! Too slow!” They think this game is the best and want to play it endlessly.Well…that is a little glimpse of what I’m doing these days. Please, please, please…keep in touch!! It is such a great joy and a blessing to hear from my friends and family…it is the most wonderful thing ever! God created us for relationship, and I want to continue building those special God-ordained friendships – they are a true blessing to me. Until then – may God bless you richly!
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Update on our lives
It’s been a really long time since I’ve written an update and I want to offer my deepest apologies. I’ve known for some time that this needed to be written, but have just not been able to put it together in my head. I’m really sorry that I’ve been “incommunicado” for so long.
As I look back and try to analyze what has been happening, I’ve seen some patterns emerge. I hope by sharing my experience that you will glean something hopeful and helpful for yourself, and also see ways in which you can continue to pray for Sierra and me.
Well, first off…let’s go back and recap this wild ride. As you will remember, 2 years ago Sierra and I set out to explore Mexico and the mission field (can you believe it’s been 2 years already!!??!??!). After being there for several months, I recognized that we needed additional training and an “umbrella” organization for help and accountability – that’s when we signed up for and went to YWAM Chico for my Crossroads Discipleship Training School. What a high that was!! A spiritual mountaintop experience for 5 months! Incredible, amazing – it left me breathless and so deeply in love with Jesus…I just wanted every moment of my life to be living in service with Him.
I had known since I was 11 years old that a life of missions was the life for me…God had that call on my life from an early age. I could see that same call on Sierra’s life, and after much prayer and confirmation from people I respect in my life, made the decision to go into full-time missions with YWAM. I felt that God was calling us to serve in Chico for this season to further mature and grow us and to allow us to recover more fully from the effects of the divorce. This was not the picture I’d had in my mind all my life of what a life in the mission field would look like! I had always imagined myself in fields with the workers, a baby strapped to my back with one of those colorful sarapes, picking coffee beans alongside the indigenous peoples – sharing the joy of the Lord with them through the simple act of loving them and helping to provide a better life, living alongside them.
I think I’m getting ahead of myself here…anyway, so we made the decision to go to Chico and made a 2-year commitment to the base there. Although it was not what I had always imagined, I knew that God had a plan and I could trust Him. There were also many pragmatic reasons for us to be in Chico…the cost of living on the base is significantly less than other bases, it’s close to home so we can still see family (this was hugely important to Sierra, who suffered major homesickness in Mexico), there is a school on-base for Sierra to attend, we already had some relationships established there, the base has an excellent reputation throughout YWAM for discipleship and leader development…all in all, it seemed like a smart first step.
I had already made the major jump of selling off all (okay…most) of my earthly possessions. The house and cars were sold off; furniture, clothing, household items – all sold or given away. I kept my art supplies, and I must say – I have an overabundance of these things! I kept pictures and a few mementos, all tucked away in my parents barn. I had a bit of money put away in savings and some put into stocks, mutual funds and a 401(k). I took out my savings and bought a car and used it to move up to Chico, furnish my base housing and get settled. Boy, it went fast! Yikes! I began to question myself…was I spending my savings too quickly? Was I being foolish? All of a sudden it sank in – this is where it stops! It doesn’t continue to grow from here! It’s one direction – out. Okay…deep breath – the Lord called us here, He is our Provider, He will provide. We can relax. And He did provide! We’ve been able to pay bills, buy groceries, have occasional nights out…the Lord is good.
So here we were, missionaries in Chico. I didn’t exactly feel like a “missionary”…I was fighting against my own bias of what I thought a missionary “looked” like…and somehow, subtly, the enemy began to feed me lies. And I began to eat them. I started to think that I had to “earn” blessings and that I needed big, heroic stories to write home about telling about all the spiritual things I was doing to prove I was a “missionary”. In short, I was living in deception.
It all starts so easily. Have you ever heard that a sheep gets lost one bite at a time? Believe it! Not to say that I’m “lost” in any big sense of the word…after all, we are all nothing more than clay pots in various forms of brokenness. I am nothing, and I realize that in the most wonderful way possible! But I began to act out the belief (or would it be unbelief?) that I had to “prove myself”…prove that the Lord had called us here, prove that I was worthy, prove that I deserved a blessing. Can you see it? It’s not up to me to prove myself – that is the Lord’s job! I am NOT worthy. I DON’T deserve anything…that is what makes our faith so incredibly humbling and wonderful. The Lord doesn’t give to us out of our worth, but because of His deep and abiding love in who He created us to be, He has given us freely the gift of life and blessings in abundance. It’s such a paradigm shift…of COURSE I can’t prove myself! I mean, in essence that is saying that somehow I can manipulate GOD with my actions – and how absolutely ludicrous and lofty-minded is that? It is only in my nothingness that I become anything, and that only through the gift and blessing of God.
The tightrope I’ve always walked on has been one of worthlessness and proving my worth. Yet, the Lord is clear that we are to neither think too low nor too high of ourselves, but rather to clothe ourselves in humility and recognize who we are according to His great purpose.
So I stand before you now (okay, actually I sit in the coffee shop before the screen, which will print out a copy of my thoughts, which will be held in front of you…but for the sake of clichés and all that, we’ll just go with it…) with no lofty accomplishments which prove to you that God has called me here. I have nothing to show to gain any favor of God or man. In fact, it’s been a terribly difficult year of adjustment and I’ve suffered much loneliness and feel that I’ve made very little headway spiritually. I’ve given in too often to negativity and unbelief, feeling as though the path is as clear as mud.
It’s interesting…the other day (in the midst of negativity and despair), the Lord gave me a picture of a clear pool of water – it was so beautiful, like a crystal clear mountain stream. Then it got muddier and muddier, till soon I couldn’t see through it at all – it was all stirred up. The word He gave me was that I needed to stop striving…I was only confusing myself and kicking up the mud. Stop “pushing against the goads”…stop striving…rest in Him and He will show you the way, He will light your path, make it straight and make the way clear.
Are you like me? Do you work and work, hoping to prove to someone, anyone, that you are worthy? Do you doubt that God has blessings in store for you and that He won’t give them to you unless you say the right thing or have longer bible studies or deeper prayer sessions? Have you bought into the lie of Satan that somehow we earn our way to the Lord through who WE are or what WE do? I can tell you, it IS a lie…because we have nothing except by the hand of God. We are nothing except by the hand of God, we do nothing, we earn nothing, we deserve nothing. It is only by the work of Jesus on the cross and by the love of God – nothing else – that we are or do or have.
I continue to struggle with this. I told the Lord I didn’t know what it meant to “not strive”…I don’t know what it looks like. I asked Him to teach me. I know He will, because He loves me and wants to see me free and whole. He loves you and wants to see you free and whole, too. Let’s pray together in this!
Okay, well…I guess I’ll stop preaching! Haha…I suppose I should fill you in on the “nitty gritty” details of our life here. Well, first of all, we live in a small 2-bedroom cabin – and I do mean small! It’s 350 sq. ft., but we’ve made it real cute and homey.
I work at the school on base and teach the 3rd-6th graders. This has been really fun sometimes, and incredibly challenging other times. My class has ranged in size from 6-10 students, depending on when families leave for outreaches. Sierra is in another class for 7th-12th graders. The primary challenge has not come from discipline problems in the classroom or from the curriculum, but rather from the very blurry line of being both mom and teacher in a small community where I live, eat and work with the kids and their families. I’m with the kids literally all the time – in the class, after school, during lunch, on the weekends. I see it all and it’s not pretty! The kids are just like any kids and go through all the same stuff – but with the added pressure of being “MK’s (Missionary Kids)” and the expectation that brings. Overall they are pretty good and I believe that they want to know and serve the Lord. I have had many moments (hours) of discipleship with them, particularly the girls, as they try to work out this thing called growing up.
Sierra is doing really well. In January she went with her youth group to Mexico for a week to build houses and just loved it! She was nervous about going (and so was I!!), but she did great – she’s excited to go back this summer (more on that later)! She’s had her share of struggles and has been on the losing end of some social rejecting (girls this age can be tough), but through it I’ve been absolutely impressed and blessed to see her making huge strides in maturing both emotionally and spiritually. She has an understanding of the Lord far beyond her years and is excellent in times of trouble, offering wise counsel and a timely word. She’s just so beautiful I can hardly stand it and she’s got this amazing sense of style. She is doing okay in school, but has trouble staying motivated – something I can relate to from my youth! If you see her, don’t tell her how tall she’s getting – she’s hoping she’ll stop at 5’6”!!
School gets out June 1, and then we’ll have a few weeks off before we start a crazy summer schedule. Sierra will go to Santa Rosa to spend some time with Grandpa and Grandma – she’ll be there from June 21 until July 4. I’ll be heading to Mexico to lead some teams down for house-building ministries. I’ll come back up and get Sierra and then we both head down for the rest of July to lead teams in Mexico. We’ll take a week vacation with the family at my parents’ house in Mexico before heading back to the base to get ready for the next school year. At this time I am planning to continue teaching, but one thing I’ve learned is that things are always changing!
I hope this finds you well and richly blessed. Please call or write to let us know how you are – we treasure hearing from you! I do apologize again for the long absence of these lengthy updates, and I commit to sending them more often (then maybe they won’t be so long!). Abundant blessings to you and your family!
As I look back and try to analyze what has been happening, I’ve seen some patterns emerge. I hope by sharing my experience that you will glean something hopeful and helpful for yourself, and also see ways in which you can continue to pray for Sierra and me.
Well, first off…let’s go back and recap this wild ride. As you will remember, 2 years ago Sierra and I set out to explore Mexico and the mission field (can you believe it’s been 2 years already!!??!??!). After being there for several months, I recognized that we needed additional training and an “umbrella” organization for help and accountability – that’s when we signed up for and went to YWAM Chico for my Crossroads Discipleship Training School. What a high that was!! A spiritual mountaintop experience for 5 months! Incredible, amazing – it left me breathless and so deeply in love with Jesus…I just wanted every moment of my life to be living in service with Him.
I had known since I was 11 years old that a life of missions was the life for me…God had that call on my life from an early age. I could see that same call on Sierra’s life, and after much prayer and confirmation from people I respect in my life, made the decision to go into full-time missions with YWAM. I felt that God was calling us to serve in Chico for this season to further mature and grow us and to allow us to recover more fully from the effects of the divorce. This was not the picture I’d had in my mind all my life of what a life in the mission field would look like! I had always imagined myself in fields with the workers, a baby strapped to my back with one of those colorful sarapes, picking coffee beans alongside the indigenous peoples – sharing the joy of the Lord with them through the simple act of loving them and helping to provide a better life, living alongside them.
I think I’m getting ahead of myself here…anyway, so we made the decision to go to Chico and made a 2-year commitment to the base there. Although it was not what I had always imagined, I knew that God had a plan and I could trust Him. There were also many pragmatic reasons for us to be in Chico…the cost of living on the base is significantly less than other bases, it’s close to home so we can still see family (this was hugely important to Sierra, who suffered major homesickness in Mexico), there is a school on-base for Sierra to attend, we already had some relationships established there, the base has an excellent reputation throughout YWAM for discipleship and leader development…all in all, it seemed like a smart first step.
I had already made the major jump of selling off all (okay…most) of my earthly possessions. The house and cars were sold off; furniture, clothing, household items – all sold or given away. I kept my art supplies, and I must say – I have an overabundance of these things! I kept pictures and a few mementos, all tucked away in my parents barn. I had a bit of money put away in savings and some put into stocks, mutual funds and a 401(k). I took out my savings and bought a car and used it to move up to Chico, furnish my base housing and get settled. Boy, it went fast! Yikes! I began to question myself…was I spending my savings too quickly? Was I being foolish? All of a sudden it sank in – this is where it stops! It doesn’t continue to grow from here! It’s one direction – out. Okay…deep breath – the Lord called us here, He is our Provider, He will provide. We can relax. And He did provide! We’ve been able to pay bills, buy groceries, have occasional nights out…the Lord is good.
So here we were, missionaries in Chico. I didn’t exactly feel like a “missionary”…I was fighting against my own bias of what I thought a missionary “looked” like…and somehow, subtly, the enemy began to feed me lies. And I began to eat them. I started to think that I had to “earn” blessings and that I needed big, heroic stories to write home about telling about all the spiritual things I was doing to prove I was a “missionary”. In short, I was living in deception.
It all starts so easily. Have you ever heard that a sheep gets lost one bite at a time? Believe it! Not to say that I’m “lost” in any big sense of the word…after all, we are all nothing more than clay pots in various forms of brokenness. I am nothing, and I realize that in the most wonderful way possible! But I began to act out the belief (or would it be unbelief?) that I had to “prove myself”…prove that the Lord had called us here, prove that I was worthy, prove that I deserved a blessing. Can you see it? It’s not up to me to prove myself – that is the Lord’s job! I am NOT worthy. I DON’T deserve anything…that is what makes our faith so incredibly humbling and wonderful. The Lord doesn’t give to us out of our worth, but because of His deep and abiding love in who He created us to be, He has given us freely the gift of life and blessings in abundance. It’s such a paradigm shift…of COURSE I can’t prove myself! I mean, in essence that is saying that somehow I can manipulate GOD with my actions – and how absolutely ludicrous and lofty-minded is that? It is only in my nothingness that I become anything, and that only through the gift and blessing of God.
The tightrope I’ve always walked on has been one of worthlessness and proving my worth. Yet, the Lord is clear that we are to neither think too low nor too high of ourselves, but rather to clothe ourselves in humility and recognize who we are according to His great purpose.
So I stand before you now (okay, actually I sit in the coffee shop before the screen, which will print out a copy of my thoughts, which will be held in front of you…but for the sake of clichés and all that, we’ll just go with it…) with no lofty accomplishments which prove to you that God has called me here. I have nothing to show to gain any favor of God or man. In fact, it’s been a terribly difficult year of adjustment and I’ve suffered much loneliness and feel that I’ve made very little headway spiritually. I’ve given in too often to negativity and unbelief, feeling as though the path is as clear as mud.
It’s interesting…the other day (in the midst of negativity and despair), the Lord gave me a picture of a clear pool of water – it was so beautiful, like a crystal clear mountain stream. Then it got muddier and muddier, till soon I couldn’t see through it at all – it was all stirred up. The word He gave me was that I needed to stop striving…I was only confusing myself and kicking up the mud. Stop “pushing against the goads”…stop striving…rest in Him and He will show you the way, He will light your path, make it straight and make the way clear.
Are you like me? Do you work and work, hoping to prove to someone, anyone, that you are worthy? Do you doubt that God has blessings in store for you and that He won’t give them to you unless you say the right thing or have longer bible studies or deeper prayer sessions? Have you bought into the lie of Satan that somehow we earn our way to the Lord through who WE are or what WE do? I can tell you, it IS a lie…because we have nothing except by the hand of God. We are nothing except by the hand of God, we do nothing, we earn nothing, we deserve nothing. It is only by the work of Jesus on the cross and by the love of God – nothing else – that we are or do or have.
I continue to struggle with this. I told the Lord I didn’t know what it meant to “not strive”…I don’t know what it looks like. I asked Him to teach me. I know He will, because He loves me and wants to see me free and whole. He loves you and wants to see you free and whole, too. Let’s pray together in this!
Okay, well…I guess I’ll stop preaching! Haha…I suppose I should fill you in on the “nitty gritty” details of our life here. Well, first of all, we live in a small 2-bedroom cabin – and I do mean small! It’s 350 sq. ft., but we’ve made it real cute and homey.
I work at the school on base and teach the 3rd-6th graders. This has been really fun sometimes, and incredibly challenging other times. My class has ranged in size from 6-10 students, depending on when families leave for outreaches. Sierra is in another class for 7th-12th graders. The primary challenge has not come from discipline problems in the classroom or from the curriculum, but rather from the very blurry line of being both mom and teacher in a small community where I live, eat and work with the kids and their families. I’m with the kids literally all the time – in the class, after school, during lunch, on the weekends. I see it all and it’s not pretty! The kids are just like any kids and go through all the same stuff – but with the added pressure of being “MK’s (Missionary Kids)” and the expectation that brings. Overall they are pretty good and I believe that they want to know and serve the Lord. I have had many moments (hours) of discipleship with them, particularly the girls, as they try to work out this thing called growing up.
Sierra is doing really well. In January she went with her youth group to Mexico for a week to build houses and just loved it! She was nervous about going (and so was I!!), but she did great – she’s excited to go back this summer (more on that later)! She’s had her share of struggles and has been on the losing end of some social rejecting (girls this age can be tough), but through it I’ve been absolutely impressed and blessed to see her making huge strides in maturing both emotionally and spiritually. She has an understanding of the Lord far beyond her years and is excellent in times of trouble, offering wise counsel and a timely word. She’s just so beautiful I can hardly stand it and she’s got this amazing sense of style. She is doing okay in school, but has trouble staying motivated – something I can relate to from my youth! If you see her, don’t tell her how tall she’s getting – she’s hoping she’ll stop at 5’6”!!
School gets out June 1, and then we’ll have a few weeks off before we start a crazy summer schedule. Sierra will go to Santa Rosa to spend some time with Grandpa and Grandma – she’ll be there from June 21 until July 4. I’ll be heading to Mexico to lead some teams down for house-building ministries. I’ll come back up and get Sierra and then we both head down for the rest of July to lead teams in Mexico. We’ll take a week vacation with the family at my parents’ house in Mexico before heading back to the base to get ready for the next school year. At this time I am planning to continue teaching, but one thing I’ve learned is that things are always changing!
I hope this finds you well and richly blessed. Please call or write to let us know how you are – we treasure hearing from you! I do apologize again for the long absence of these lengthy updates, and I commit to sending them more often (then maybe they won’t be so long!). Abundant blessings to you and your family!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Frontier Days
As a teacher, I want to give my kids experiences that will help them learn material and make it come to life. Recently we did a unit on the Westward Movement, and the pioneers who came west to make new lives for themselves.
I was able to have this company come to our school called Pioneer Living - they are a traveling museum, and bring everything to us! I was so blessed - they really worked with us and charged us only for their gas! The man who we worked with, Terry, was so wonderful!! The kids had a fantastic time and got to play with and touch everything.
They were able to pan for gold, card wool, grind corn, pump water, play with old-fashioned toys, sit in a tipi and even shave! Below are some pictures from our day...
I was able to have this company come to our school called Pioneer Living - they are a traveling museum, and bring everything to us! I was so blessed - they really worked with us and charged us only for their gas! The man who we worked with, Terry, was so wonderful!! The kids had a fantastic time and got to play with and touch everything.
They were able to pan for gold, card wool, grind corn, pump water, play with old-fashioned toys, sit in a tipi and even shave! Below are some pictures from our day...
Sierra's first Solo Trip
In January, Sierra was able to go to Mexico to help build some houses for families there. She went with her youth group from the church we are attending, Vineyard of Chico. It's a great church, and wonderfully sensitive to the Spirit of the Lord.
I was so proud of Sierra. She worked for over 3 months saving over $400 to go on this trip. She saved her allowance, did odd jobs like raking and pulling weeds and washing cars. Her grandparents also worked out a deal with her to earn some money, which she faithfully did.
She spent a week there with other youth and they built 4 houses there. The house Sierra worked on was a double house, for two families. She pounded nails, painted and had fun using a machine that shot nails into concrete!
This was her first mission trip alone...it was a little hard for me, but I was also really excited for her.
This is another little girl Sierra got to know in Mexico.
I was so proud of Sierra. She worked for over 3 months saving over $400 to go on this trip. She saved her allowance, did odd jobs like raking and pulling weeds and washing cars. Her grandparents also worked out a deal with her to earn some money, which she faithfully did.
She spent a week there with other youth and they built 4 houses there. The house Sierra worked on was a double house, for two families. She pounded nails, painted and had fun using a machine that shot nails into concrete!
This was her first mission trip alone...it was a little hard for me, but I was also really excited for her.
Here is Sierra with a little girl she met in Mexico
while she was there building houses in January.
This is another little girl Sierra got to know in Mexico.
Monday, May 22, 2006
This, That and The Other
Last week I was the "leader" of our group, along with Aaron (one of the single guys). Our job duties included handling the team finances, facilitating the meetings, keeping track of what everyone was doing and the schedule for the week and generally encouraging people. I enjoyed it and think I did a pretty good job.
We'd had a 3-day weekend after the VBS, so we had plenty of time to shop and swim and relax before we got started. We ended up working with the Emmanuel Worship Center and going out to visit families, bringing them food and encouragement. Most of the families were Indian, and we all really enjoyed spending time with every one of them. One family I visited that I fell in love with have a young boy who came to VBS - he was one of the kids who stood up to accept Jesus. His parents and younger brother don't go to church, so he is very brave and goes all alone each week and is being a witness to his family. They live in a rural area, and their house is an 8x12 foot shack made of corrugated tin - no water, no electricity. His mom cooks on a peice of tin set outside, and the house is just one room with 2 beds and a chair. I'm constantly amazed at how blessed we are financially in the United States. Sierra, too, was quite moved as she realized their entire house was 1/2 the size of her old bedroom. Reality checks are good!
We also were able to go to visit the leaders of various small groups (called cell groups here) to encourage them and help them to infuse some "fire" back into the groups. Everywhere we go, we are invited in and given juice and food. People just love to visit, and so do we!
People are starting to wind down and are looking forward to coming home. I'm trying to be a cheerleader for everyone to stay focused and finish strong, but I think it's a losing battle!! So, I've decided not to do that anymore as I don't want people to get annoyed.
This week we are having another medical clinic with Marine Reach in another village, and then we'll be having a crusade there over the weekend - so it's a busy week, but we are doing things I love to do! Today we walked around the village letting the people know about the clinic. We were invited in at most houses, and spent 20-30 minutes visiting. When we got ready to leave, a few people actually began to cry and tell us how priveleged they are to have us in their house and how much they will miss us. Such a different perspective, and wonderful to be a part of it!!
I will add more pictures soon...Sierra also learned how to husk coconuts and drink the juice, and extract the milk...she's so into coconuts now!!
We'd had a 3-day weekend after the VBS, so we had plenty of time to shop and swim and relax before we got started. We ended up working with the Emmanuel Worship Center and going out to visit families, bringing them food and encouragement. Most of the families were Indian, and we all really enjoyed spending time with every one of them. One family I visited that I fell in love with have a young boy who came to VBS - he was one of the kids who stood up to accept Jesus. His parents and younger brother don't go to church, so he is very brave and goes all alone each week and is being a witness to his family. They live in a rural area, and their house is an 8x12 foot shack made of corrugated tin - no water, no electricity. His mom cooks on a peice of tin set outside, and the house is just one room with 2 beds and a chair. I'm constantly amazed at how blessed we are financially in the United States. Sierra, too, was quite moved as she realized their entire house was 1/2 the size of her old bedroom. Reality checks are good!
We also were able to go to visit the leaders of various small groups (called cell groups here) to encourage them and help them to infuse some "fire" back into the groups. Everywhere we go, we are invited in and given juice and food. People just love to visit, and so do we!
People are starting to wind down and are looking forward to coming home. I'm trying to be a cheerleader for everyone to stay focused and finish strong, but I think it's a losing battle!! So, I've decided not to do that anymore as I don't want people to get annoyed.
This week we are having another medical clinic with Marine Reach in another village, and then we'll be having a crusade there over the weekend - so it's a busy week, but we are doing things I love to do! Today we walked around the village letting the people know about the clinic. We were invited in at most houses, and spent 20-30 minutes visiting. When we got ready to leave, a few people actually began to cry and tell us how priveleged they are to have us in their house and how much they will miss us. Such a different perspective, and wonderful to be a part of it!!
I will add more pictures soon...Sierra also learned how to husk coconuts and drink the juice, and extract the milk...she's so into coconuts now!!
Friday, May 12, 2006
VBS
This week we hosted a Vacation Bible School (VBS) at the church we've been working with - each day we had between 60-70 children show up, ages 3-14. I ran the arts and crafts area and Sierra worked with the pre-schoolers.
The theme was "BUGS" and catching the "buzz" about God's love for us. Each day featured a different bug and a different message. The team really pulled together and did a great job - this was really a stretch for a lot of our team as working with kids is difficult for them! We were all blessed, however. I made a lot of the decorations for the VBS and I was really happy with how everything turned out. Kim also made a lot of them, and everything was so cute.
The kids had a great time and really got into it. They loved doing the crafts and it was a lot of fun, although my helper didn't show up Wed, Thurs or Fri!!! So, I was a little hectic, and felt stressed - especially today when we did a rather difficult craft and none of the kids got done within the time alotted and they were all swarming me for help - AACK!! Although I do well "under the gun", I really don't like it as I turn into a drill seargent and get "super-efficient" and "hyper-focused" on the task and lose out on the relationship building...which is really the point, isn't it?
Out of all the kids, we had about 12 stand up yesterday to accept the Lord, and another 25 today - so it was really fruitful and we're excited to see the kids really interested in God and His love for them. It was amazing how these kids took their Bible verses so seriously and really held onto them as a real treasure (we gave them each day's verse glued onto a small peice of construction paper).
This weekend is Mother's Day and I'm missing my mom. Sierra has been planning for 2 weeks all the "surprises" she has for me - she is so generous of heart and just loves to bless people. I am planning to do a little something for the ladies on my team as they are all (except one) of the age of my own mom, and are all missing their children back home who are my age - so I figure I can be the "representative" daughter to them for this special holiday that honors our mothers.
We have a 3-day weekend, which is a rare treat...Si and I really don't have any plans, but hope to get to the beach and maybe a little shopping done.
Last night the DTS team (the 18-15 yo's) left to return to Sacramento - they will work in Sac for 2 weeks before returning to Chico. It was a sad time to see them go as we might not ever see them again and they are all precious to us. Sierra has gotten especially close to a few of the girls and was really broken-hearted. Saying good-bye is truly the hardest part of the missionary life. Although we realized, and were so thankful for the hope...that with our Christian brothers and sisters there really is never a "goodbye", but always "I'll see you soon" as we realize that we will spend eternity together in heaven. That is quite comforting and offers so much hope.
I can't believe out time here is coming to an end so quickly - only 21 days left until we return home!! I think, as I look back over the outreach portion of the CDTS, that God has been teaching me about perseverance...the outreach has been much harder than I'd anticipated. I really thought I would "shine" in this atmosphere, but I struggled with it, and there were times I wanted to fold up and go home! It wasn't the work or the culture or anything like that - those things were great...it was more the aspect of putting aside my independence and working as a team, dealing with disappointments and conflice within that atmosphere and keeping steady along the course. I realized that when I get disappointed, I tend to turn my back to God and expect Him to come and "woo" me back and I retreat into a shell of self-pity. Not nice things to realize about yourself, but God is good!! I asked Him to come in and clean up the rough edges of my heart, and He took me at my word! I wanted to learn to be a person who perseveres and doesn't give up, and he's taking me through that. So, it's all good!
Please pray for me as I continue to seek direction about what we are doing next. I have a few things I'm praying about, but have not felt any direct answer from the Lord as to His will...my tendency is to push things through and make them happen, but I want to wait on the Lord and hear His will for us, and do that.
Well, that is all for now - have a blessed Mother's Day!!
The theme was "BUGS" and catching the "buzz" about God's love for us. Each day featured a different bug and a different message. The team really pulled together and did a great job - this was really a stretch for a lot of our team as working with kids is difficult for them! We were all blessed, however. I made a lot of the decorations for the VBS and I was really happy with how everything turned out. Kim also made a lot of them, and everything was so cute.
The kids had a great time and really got into it. They loved doing the crafts and it was a lot of fun, although my helper didn't show up Wed, Thurs or Fri!!! So, I was a little hectic, and felt stressed - especially today when we did a rather difficult craft and none of the kids got done within the time alotted and they were all swarming me for help - AACK!! Although I do well "under the gun", I really don't like it as I turn into a drill seargent and get "super-efficient" and "hyper-focused" on the task and lose out on the relationship building...which is really the point, isn't it?
Out of all the kids, we had about 12 stand up yesterday to accept the Lord, and another 25 today - so it was really fruitful and we're excited to see the kids really interested in God and His love for them. It was amazing how these kids took their Bible verses so seriously and really held onto them as a real treasure (we gave them each day's verse glued onto a small peice of construction paper).
This weekend is Mother's Day and I'm missing my mom. Sierra has been planning for 2 weeks all the "surprises" she has for me - she is so generous of heart and just loves to bless people. I am planning to do a little something for the ladies on my team as they are all (except one) of the age of my own mom, and are all missing their children back home who are my age - so I figure I can be the "representative" daughter to them for this special holiday that honors our mothers.
We have a 3-day weekend, which is a rare treat...Si and I really don't have any plans, but hope to get to the beach and maybe a little shopping done.
Last night the DTS team (the 18-15 yo's) left to return to Sacramento - they will work in Sac for 2 weeks before returning to Chico. It was a sad time to see them go as we might not ever see them again and they are all precious to us. Sierra has gotten especially close to a few of the girls and was really broken-hearted. Saying good-bye is truly the hardest part of the missionary life. Although we realized, and were so thankful for the hope...that with our Christian brothers and sisters there really is never a "goodbye", but always "I'll see you soon" as we realize that we will spend eternity together in heaven. That is quite comforting and offers so much hope.
I can't believe out time here is coming to an end so quickly - only 21 days left until we return home!! I think, as I look back over the outreach portion of the CDTS, that God has been teaching me about perseverance...the outreach has been much harder than I'd anticipated. I really thought I would "shine" in this atmosphere, but I struggled with it, and there were times I wanted to fold up and go home! It wasn't the work or the culture or anything like that - those things were great...it was more the aspect of putting aside my independence and working as a team, dealing with disappointments and conflice within that atmosphere and keeping steady along the course. I realized that when I get disappointed, I tend to turn my back to God and expect Him to come and "woo" me back and I retreat into a shell of self-pity. Not nice things to realize about yourself, but God is good!! I asked Him to come in and clean up the rough edges of my heart, and He took me at my word! I wanted to learn to be a person who perseveres and doesn't give up, and he's taking me through that. So, it's all good!
Please pray for me as I continue to seek direction about what we are doing next. I have a few things I'm praying about, but have not felt any direct answer from the Lord as to His will...my tendency is to push things through and make them happen, but I want to wait on the Lord and hear His will for us, and do that.
Well, that is all for now - have a blessed Mother's Day!!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
A Visual Journey of Our Outreach
We had a day off last week, so we went on this ship out to another island - it was a lot of fun, espcially when we found out that over 2/3 of the people on the ship were Christians!
They allowed Sierra to steer for awhile - Captain Sierra!
Here are our new friends aboard the ship - some of them had guitars, so we sang praises and fellowshipped for the ride to and from the island. It was so great!
This is Sarah and Sisa - they run a program for single mother's and are generally very, very busy doing Kingdom work! I've gotten close to them and really love thier family.
One night Sarah and Sisa invited me and Sierra over to work with the youth of their village and teach them some skits and songs - the kids had a blast, and so did we. We will be going back for more teachings!
There is a Crossroads class just starting in Latouka, a half hour from where we are staying - we went there to encourage them and spend time getting to know them. The sunset was beautiful that night - this is taken from the top of the building where everyone hangs out.
A few of us went to the Namaka Public School to talk to the children about sexual purity - this is a skit that Reanna and Jacob did about the different types of love.
This week we took part in a medical outreach, and helped to bring a clinic into one of the villages, called Nawaka Levu. We went home to home inviting people to come for free medical care, and set up this "jungle clinic" with exam rooms made up with sheets over poles. It was amazing!
This is the prayer room where people at the medical outreach could come for prayer. Paul, in the forefront, is leading the young man in red to the Lord. Behind is Marcus (sitting) and Susan (in pink) praying for the sick. We saw 9 saved and many received encouragement and medical care - over 200 in all!
The kids really shined at the medical outreach - they spent all day for 2 days entertaining the children with face painting, making cross necklaces, telling stories, balloons, stickers and just being friends with them. It was really a blessing.
These are two little girls that really loved me and Sierra - they spent all day with us. They were here with thier grandma. In the back left you can see the makeshift pharmacy where medicines were handed out for free. In the back right you can see Mila acting goofy as she registers the patients for the doctors to see.Well, this is a taste of what we've done so far - there is much more to do! Please keep praying for us. For more pictures and stories about what the team is doing, click on the link to the right that says "Fiji Team Blog".
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Mystery Island
This past week has been a chance for increasing ministry time, which has been wonderful. We've had the opportunity to visit families and single mothers in the community and to encourage them. Some of us also went out to visit a village of widows and single mothers who are fleeing domestic violence situations and to spend some time with them. I'll be returning there weekly. Sierra really did great out there with the kids - she read stories and led art projects and left all the kids with some play-do. The really loved it!
Last Thursday we were able to go an elementary school for World Children's Day and we did a puppet show while Mirriam told the story of David and Goliath. Boy, was my arm tired from holding up that puppet!! Then the kids gave their testimonies. I was so proud of Sierra...she shared about how God helped her with her feelings of being rejected by her real dad and her step dad when they left her and didn't try to stay in relationship with her. I think this is (tragically) such a universal thing that is happening and she really was brave to share this personal thing.
Yesterday was a real blessing - it was our day off, so we took a sailboat out to Mystery Island. I ended up meeting a wonderful woman from Ireland, Tresa - I was able to share my testimony with her and we prayed for her and spent the day hanging out together. Also, we met some other missionaries, so we ended up having a time of praise and worship on the ride out to the island and on the way back - it was wonderful. AND we met a youth pastor from a town about 1/2 hour from here and he is having a youth rally this Saturday for 200 kids, and he's asked us to bring our presentation on purity to the kids! It was a great day and felt like there were many "divine appointments".
We are picking up the pace, which is exciting. Tomorrow Sierra and I will be teaching some kids a few dances and skits for an "open air" out in the village. Thursday we are making our presentation on purity to some junior high kids. Next week we'll be working with Marine Reach to bring medical care into the remote villages and the week after that we'll be hosting a VBS. This weekend we'll go to the youth rally and the weekend after we'll go to the capital city of Suva to do outreach with street kids. That happens to also be the weekend the elections start, so we are praying into that. I'm so glad to be having the opportunity to try out all sorts of different things!
Last Thursday we were able to go an elementary school for World Children's Day and we did a puppet show while Mirriam told the story of David and Goliath. Boy, was my arm tired from holding up that puppet!! Then the kids gave their testimonies. I was so proud of Sierra...she shared about how God helped her with her feelings of being rejected by her real dad and her step dad when they left her and didn't try to stay in relationship with her. I think this is (tragically) such a universal thing that is happening and she really was brave to share this personal thing.
Yesterday was a real blessing - it was our day off, so we took a sailboat out to Mystery Island. I ended up meeting a wonderful woman from Ireland, Tresa - I was able to share my testimony with her and we prayed for her and spent the day hanging out together. Also, we met some other missionaries, so we ended up having a time of praise and worship on the ride out to the island and on the way back - it was wonderful. AND we met a youth pastor from a town about 1/2 hour from here and he is having a youth rally this Saturday for 200 kids, and he's asked us to bring our presentation on purity to the kids! It was a great day and felt like there were many "divine appointments".
We are picking up the pace, which is exciting. Tomorrow Sierra and I will be teaching some kids a few dances and skits for an "open air" out in the village. Thursday we are making our presentation on purity to some junior high kids. Next week we'll be working with Marine Reach to bring medical care into the remote villages and the week after that we'll be hosting a VBS. This weekend we'll go to the youth rally and the weekend after we'll go to the capital city of Suva to do outreach with street kids. That happens to also be the weekend the elections start, so we are praying into that. I'm so glad to be having the opportunity to try out all sorts of different things!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Easter in the Islands
Happy Easter!
We had a wonderful Easter here in Fiji. The week before Easter, we went door to door in the surrounding neighborhoods to invite people to church and to talk to them about the Lord. People are so friendly and welcoming. Everyone invited us in and gave us juice while we sat and visited for a few hours. That is the island way! Each day we were lucky to get to 2 or 3 houses! It is wonderful how people really put relationships first here.
I was able to help the ladies to decorate the church for Good Friday, and Sierra sewed the hangings for the cross. On Good Friday, our team was able to give some testimonies and I gave the communion mime with Sierra and Mitchell (there were a few hundred people, so we had to modify it a bit, but it went really well). When the people recieved their nail, they were just blown away and most began to bawl. Many could not take communion for many minutes as they stood there, clutching their nail and coming face to face with what Jesus did for them personally. It was really powerful and moving. I was so proud of the kids, who did a great job and did not giggle or laugh at all - we prayed about this and they did so great. Many in the worship team could not continue to worship as they fell to their knees weeping. It was really beautiful and I felt so priveleged to share it!
On Easter we had 4 other churches from other cities join us, and after we all had lunch together. We were able to do one of our songs (Redeemer) along with the youth group, which was great. The worship music here is lively and fun, with a strong reggae/island beat to it - I love it!
This week is getting busy with building on the church, the hospital ministry, an outreach to the local schools teaching on sexual purity, working with the youth group and many other things - we are all glad to be working hard! Today I went to the hospital to pray with people and tonight we are doing a home visit with a family.
We had a wonderful Easter here in Fiji. The week before Easter, we went door to door in the surrounding neighborhoods to invite people to church and to talk to them about the Lord. People are so friendly and welcoming. Everyone invited us in and gave us juice while we sat and visited for a few hours. That is the island way! Each day we were lucky to get to 2 or 3 houses! It is wonderful how people really put relationships first here.
I was able to help the ladies to decorate the church for Good Friday, and Sierra sewed the hangings for the cross. On Good Friday, our team was able to give some testimonies and I gave the communion mime with Sierra and Mitchell (there were a few hundred people, so we had to modify it a bit, but it went really well). When the people recieved their nail, they were just blown away and most began to bawl. Many could not take communion for many minutes as they stood there, clutching their nail and coming face to face with what Jesus did for them personally. It was really powerful and moving. I was so proud of the kids, who did a great job and did not giggle or laugh at all - we prayed about this and they did so great. Many in the worship team could not continue to worship as they fell to their knees weeping. It was really beautiful and I felt so priveleged to share it!
On Easter we had 4 other churches from other cities join us, and after we all had lunch together. We were able to do one of our songs (Redeemer) along with the youth group, which was great. The worship music here is lively and fun, with a strong reggae/island beat to it - I love it!
This week is getting busy with building on the church, the hospital ministry, an outreach to the local schools teaching on sexual purity, working with the youth group and many other things - we are all glad to be working hard! Today I went to the hospital to pray with people and tonight we are doing a home visit with a family.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Greetings from Fiji!
We are doing well! It is hot, Hot, HOT in Fiji!! It is so beautiful here, and the people are beautiful, too. We've gotten settled in and have started doing some ministry - it's been a bit slower than we'd hoped, but I think that after Easter is over we'll get going pretty hard. We did have one person give their life to the Lord today - Paul has been going to the hospital to pray with people. One man he met is in the hospital after his house burned down this past weekend - his 8 year old daughter accidentally set teh fire, and they lost everything they owned. This is the man that Paul prayed with this morning to receive Christ.
We are all starting to build relationships with people and have been doing some prayer walking around a Hindu neighborhood - tomorrow we will go out and invite them to church. We are also doing some prayer walking around an area where there is prostitution that is quite near our hotel.
I have an Indian friend I've met here named Mona - she is married and has 4 children. She is severely malnourished, as are her children. She and her family live in 1 room, and Mona and the girls sleep on one bed and her husband and the boy sleep on another. Her son has a hole in his heart and requires surgery. They do not even have plates or utensils, so all eat out of one bowl. Mona recently became a Christian, but her husband is still Hindu. Please keep her in your prayers. Mom - I'll be giving each of her children a teddy bear on Easter Sunday.
The physical needs of the people here are overwhelming and I'm praying for Jehovah Rapha, God the Healer, to show up. He asks "whom shall I send" and I respond "here am I, send me"...I am praying for God to send his healing powers through my hands in accordance with his command to "go out into all the world and preach the good news, casting out demons and healing the sick"...please pray for me to hear God clearly as to who He would have be healed.
Sierra is doing well and is OH SO GLAD that we have a pool at our hotel! Our hotel is great - we each have our own bed and there is a little kitchenette so we make our own breakfast and lunch, and then a local lady here is making dinner that we all eat together. We are handwashing our clothes in the bathroom sink.
The kids are all doing well - we've had a few people get sick with colds and whatnot, but mostly all doing well.
The people here are friendly - the men all went out and got sulu's, which is the traditional bottoms men wear - it's a skirt, but we don't say that in front of the guys!! Haha. They all look great in them! The women all wanted a traditional island dress as well, so we went and got the fabric and a tailor...how much, you might ask? All told, the dresses will be about $14.50 US each!! They are called Sulu Enchamba's. I also want to get a traditional Indian outfit.
We are all starting to build relationships with people and have been doing some prayer walking around a Hindu neighborhood - tomorrow we will go out and invite them to church. We are also doing some prayer walking around an area where there is prostitution that is quite near our hotel.
I have an Indian friend I've met here named Mona - she is married and has 4 children. She is severely malnourished, as are her children. She and her family live in 1 room, and Mona and the girls sleep on one bed and her husband and the boy sleep on another. Her son has a hole in his heart and requires surgery. They do not even have plates or utensils, so all eat out of one bowl. Mona recently became a Christian, but her husband is still Hindu. Please keep her in your prayers. Mom - I'll be giving each of her children a teddy bear on Easter Sunday.
The physical needs of the people here are overwhelming and I'm praying for Jehovah Rapha, God the Healer, to show up. He asks "whom shall I send" and I respond "here am I, send me"...I am praying for God to send his healing powers through my hands in accordance with his command to "go out into all the world and preach the good news, casting out demons and healing the sick"...please pray for me to hear God clearly as to who He would have be healed.
Sierra is doing well and is OH SO GLAD that we have a pool at our hotel! Our hotel is great - we each have our own bed and there is a little kitchenette so we make our own breakfast and lunch, and then a local lady here is making dinner that we all eat together. We are handwashing our clothes in the bathroom sink.
The kids are all doing well - we've had a few people get sick with colds and whatnot, but mostly all doing well.
The people here are friendly - the men all went out and got sulu's, which is the traditional bottoms men wear - it's a skirt, but we don't say that in front of the guys!! Haha. They all look great in them! The women all wanted a traditional island dress as well, so we went and got the fabric and a tailor...how much, you might ask? All told, the dresses will be about $14.50 US each!! They are called Sulu Enchamba's. I also want to get a traditional Indian outfit.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Coming down to the wire
Wow, time really does fly when you are having fun! I can't believe we leave in only a few days.
The past two weeks have been great - the teaching continues to be amazing and it's crazy how much we are trying to cram into our heads and our hearts! About two weeks ago a lot of people in class sort of "hit the wall" and were struggling - we all just want to get out in the field!!
Personally I was dealing with a really difficult personal issue and for about a week I was isolating myself and trying to struggle through it. I realized that my gift of mercy sometimes gets me in trouble! I step in and try to "fix" others pain out of my own sense of making things right rather than leaning on God to direct me. I had done this at a time I shouldn't have, and really struggled with the after-effects. It's so easy for me to step in and take up other people's crosses and offenses and to block them from the pain of real life - but sometimes God has them in that place so He can reach them, and when I step in I am actually blocking the Spirit from working. I was really saddened realizing how often I've done this in my life and seeing how the misuse of the gifts we have can be damaging to ourselves and others. I also realized that another gift I have, the gift of giving, can also be abused...in this same situation I had given something away that wasn't meant to be given away - and it was done out of a sense of unworthiness rather than a sense of love - God gives us things that are for us, and instead of appreciating it, I turned away from it in unworthiness and gave it to someone else. Again - the misuse of giftings.
This struggle was very eye-opening for me and I see how much I work out of a sense of feeling unloved and unworthy - STILL!!! It is a process, and one I am sure I will continue to go through for many years. I am so grateful to God that He loves me enough to continue walking with me through this process, and teaching me more of His ways. This was by far the most personal and closest to my heart thing I've worked through thus far here at YWAM, so it was really hard - but the fruit is worth it!
This past week was a really wonderful week of teaching about missions and was very "real life" about what happens out there in the field. I really appreciated it and learned so much. One thing that we talked about was the satisfaction level of missionaries and how long they stay in the field. Basically, missionaries who have been in the field 6 months or less tend to "LOVE" everything...oh, the food is so exotic and all those doe-eyed children begging for money are so cute and it's so quaint how you share the bus with 75 other people and chickens, too!! These people are basically in the "tourist" stage. Missionaries who have been on the field from 6 months to 2 years are just the opposite - they "HATE" everything...I'm so SICK of beans and tortillas! Those darn kids won't leave me alone! If I have to get on aonther one of those broken down excuses for a bus I will PUKE! In this stage, all the newness has worn off and you are faced with living in a culture completely different than your own. All of your comforts are far removed. Many leave during this stage with a bad taste in their mouth. There is no fruit from your ministry, only frustration...and your church and supporters are crying out "Show me the money!!"...as in - show me the evidence of why I'm supporting you out there!! But often, the missionary is just starting to figure out the cultural differences and the language, and might just be at the place where they can figure out how to get on the right bus! Finally, there are the people who stay on the field 4 years or more...they report a high level of satisfaction with their experience, but it's different than the "tourist" stage. It's a deeper, more mature satisfaction of having "made it" and triumphed over the difficulties - the ministry is bearing fruit and the missionary has become bi-cultural and bi-lingual and is accepted as part of the culture they are in.
I thought this was so encouraging to see what's coming down the pike and to know that as hard times set in if you just press in and continue on that the light will come!! I imagine it's much like couples who have fought throught the hard times to stay committed to each other and remain married...they come to a point of sweet remembrance and maturity as they truly enjoy the fruits of their labors. I think that's SO COOL!!!!! I hope someday I can be one of those people, too.
I've been thinking on what I'll do next, and praying a lot about it. I really sense that God is calling us to long-term missions and I'm excited. Sierra also feels this call, so it is a wonderful time of imagining what God has in store. I am looking into some different possibilities, but mostly just am in prayer asking God what HE wants of me. Some areas of ministry I'm interested in are Kings Kids or DTS leadership. I really havea passion for kids and families - I just believe so deeply in the ability and zeal of kids and in giving them the tools and ability to impact our world! Kings Kids takes kids 8-18 (although 8-11 are with a parent or other guardian) and trains them for a week to 2 weeks in evangelism, and then goes into the world to do it for a month at a time...through sports ministries, dance, skits, sign language, practical help, etc - it's really amazing what these kids do and what they can accomplish!! DTS is the class I've been doing, but for young people age 18-25. As for location...wow - what can I say - the world is so amazing!! I want to go anywhere and everywhere! Mexico or here in Chico seem like good starting points, though...I'll keep praying into it and see what God has for us.
You'll notice that I've put some new links on the side...one is Fiji Team and the other is Guatemala Team blogs...each team is keeping a blog of our experiences - so please, check them out and comment and see what we're doing! I will continue to update this blog, but please be aware that in Fiji we have extremely limited access to the internet so I won't be able to update it much. We will go into town once a week for check email, but I'm told that the connection is really, really slow - like, one email in an hour slow, and that it costs $5 an hour to use the internet!! So, just to let you know that I'll do it as much as possible, but it won't be quite at often or as long (maybe that will be a blessing! Haha).
Tonight we are having a "Love Feast" with the whole class, and it is a pretty fancy affair. We'll all be showing each other our skits and songs, so it should be fun. I hear there are a few surprises in store, too!!
I have a big request for you all...my good friend Rachel (not her real name) is getting ready to return to her country. She is from a "closed" country - it is muslim - and is very dangerous. They do not allow any people in, so she is really the only type of person who can talk to her people. I am not naming the country for her safety. Please pray for her - pray for safety, for provision and for opportunity. She is an amazing person and we are behind her all the way! She is aware of the danger facing her and is counting the cost right now - it's a hard time for her to be realizing what she is leaving here and what she is going back to. Being with her has helped us all to really and truly understand and appreciate our freedoms here that we take so for granted - the ability to speak openly about our beliefs, to say we disagree with the government, to wear a cross around our neck - things that people in other countries cannot do, and in fact will be imprisoned, beaten, tortured or even killed for. So please, pray for my friend...she is very special to us here.
The past two weeks have been great - the teaching continues to be amazing and it's crazy how much we are trying to cram into our heads and our hearts! About two weeks ago a lot of people in class sort of "hit the wall" and were struggling - we all just want to get out in the field!!
Personally I was dealing with a really difficult personal issue and for about a week I was isolating myself and trying to struggle through it. I realized that my gift of mercy sometimes gets me in trouble! I step in and try to "fix" others pain out of my own sense of making things right rather than leaning on God to direct me. I had done this at a time I shouldn't have, and really struggled with the after-effects. It's so easy for me to step in and take up other people's crosses and offenses and to block them from the pain of real life - but sometimes God has them in that place so He can reach them, and when I step in I am actually blocking the Spirit from working. I was really saddened realizing how often I've done this in my life and seeing how the misuse of the gifts we have can be damaging to ourselves and others. I also realized that another gift I have, the gift of giving, can also be abused...in this same situation I had given something away that wasn't meant to be given away - and it was done out of a sense of unworthiness rather than a sense of love - God gives us things that are for us, and instead of appreciating it, I turned away from it in unworthiness and gave it to someone else. Again - the misuse of giftings.
This struggle was very eye-opening for me and I see how much I work out of a sense of feeling unloved and unworthy - STILL!!! It is a process, and one I am sure I will continue to go through for many years. I am so grateful to God that He loves me enough to continue walking with me through this process, and teaching me more of His ways. This was by far the most personal and closest to my heart thing I've worked through thus far here at YWAM, so it was really hard - but the fruit is worth it!
This past week was a really wonderful week of teaching about missions and was very "real life" about what happens out there in the field. I really appreciated it and learned so much. One thing that we talked about was the satisfaction level of missionaries and how long they stay in the field. Basically, missionaries who have been in the field 6 months or less tend to "LOVE" everything...oh, the food is so exotic and all those doe-eyed children begging for money are so cute and it's so quaint how you share the bus with 75 other people and chickens, too!! These people are basically in the "tourist" stage. Missionaries who have been on the field from 6 months to 2 years are just the opposite - they "HATE" everything...I'm so SICK of beans and tortillas! Those darn kids won't leave me alone! If I have to get on aonther one of those broken down excuses for a bus I will PUKE! In this stage, all the newness has worn off and you are faced with living in a culture completely different than your own. All of your comforts are far removed. Many leave during this stage with a bad taste in their mouth. There is no fruit from your ministry, only frustration...and your church and supporters are crying out "Show me the money!!"...as in - show me the evidence of why I'm supporting you out there!! But often, the missionary is just starting to figure out the cultural differences and the language, and might just be at the place where they can figure out how to get on the right bus! Finally, there are the people who stay on the field 4 years or more...they report a high level of satisfaction with their experience, but it's different than the "tourist" stage. It's a deeper, more mature satisfaction of having "made it" and triumphed over the difficulties - the ministry is bearing fruit and the missionary has become bi-cultural and bi-lingual and is accepted as part of the culture they are in.
I thought this was so encouraging to see what's coming down the pike and to know that as hard times set in if you just press in and continue on that the light will come!! I imagine it's much like couples who have fought throught the hard times to stay committed to each other and remain married...they come to a point of sweet remembrance and maturity as they truly enjoy the fruits of their labors. I think that's SO COOL!!!!! I hope someday I can be one of those people, too.
I've been thinking on what I'll do next, and praying a lot about it. I really sense that God is calling us to long-term missions and I'm excited. Sierra also feels this call, so it is a wonderful time of imagining what God has in store. I am looking into some different possibilities, but mostly just am in prayer asking God what HE wants of me. Some areas of ministry I'm interested in are Kings Kids or DTS leadership. I really havea passion for kids and families - I just believe so deeply in the ability and zeal of kids and in giving them the tools and ability to impact our world! Kings Kids takes kids 8-18 (although 8-11 are with a parent or other guardian) and trains them for a week to 2 weeks in evangelism, and then goes into the world to do it for a month at a time...through sports ministries, dance, skits, sign language, practical help, etc - it's really amazing what these kids do and what they can accomplish!! DTS is the class I've been doing, but for young people age 18-25. As for location...wow - what can I say - the world is so amazing!! I want to go anywhere and everywhere! Mexico or here in Chico seem like good starting points, though...I'll keep praying into it and see what God has for us.
You'll notice that I've put some new links on the side...one is Fiji Team and the other is Guatemala Team blogs...each team is keeping a blog of our experiences - so please, check them out and comment and see what we're doing! I will continue to update this blog, but please be aware that in Fiji we have extremely limited access to the internet so I won't be able to update it much. We will go into town once a week for check email, but I'm told that the connection is really, really slow - like, one email in an hour slow, and that it costs $5 an hour to use the internet!! So, just to let you know that I'll do it as much as possible, but it won't be quite at often or as long (maybe that will be a blessing! Haha).
Tonight we are having a "Love Feast" with the whole class, and it is a pretty fancy affair. We'll all be showing each other our skits and songs, so it should be fun. I hear there are a few surprises in store, too!!
I have a big request for you all...my good friend Rachel (not her real name) is getting ready to return to her country. She is from a "closed" country - it is muslim - and is very dangerous. They do not allow any people in, so she is really the only type of person who can talk to her people. I am not naming the country for her safety. Please pray for her - pray for safety, for provision and for opportunity. She is an amazing person and we are behind her all the way! She is aware of the danger facing her and is counting the cost right now - it's a hard time for her to be realizing what she is leaving here and what she is going back to. Being with her has helped us all to really and truly understand and appreciate our freedoms here that we take so for granted - the ability to speak openly about our beliefs, to say we disagree with the government, to wear a cross around our neck - things that people in other countries cannot do, and in fact will be imprisoned, beaten, tortured or even killed for. So please, pray for my friend...she is very special to us here.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Jehovah Jireh
$1,033.00
That is the number written on the whiteboard two weeks ago in front of my name. It is the amount of money that I was short for outreach fees. I had no idea how I would get it.
Should I empty out my emergency savings fund? Should I empty out my little bit of money in my checking account? Should I call my Dad and ask him for the money? Each time I took it to the Lord, I felt a holding back in my spirit. I continued to pray about it, waiting for Him to show me what to do.
The money was due Friday, March 10. A few days before that I received two anonymous donations to my account...one for $55 and one for $25. My balance went from $1,033 to $953. Still a long way to go. Maybe God would direct someone from church to give me money. I was believing Him for it, and I was being obedient in my waiting. Sunday came and went - nothing. What's up with this, Lord???
The deadline was extended to March 17. Another week. How would God provide? I continued to ask what I should do. As I would get caught up in worry I felt pulled back to trust God for this. I wanted to just jump in there and make it happen myself, but I've had enough bad experiences to know that I shouldn't try to make this happen in my own effort - but I was frustrated! Impatient!!
Thursday came. One more day til the money was due. Would you do it for me, God? I was railing against the limits of myself. I couldn't hold on any longer. I'd been saying that all week, but then would find the strength for one more day, but this time I really felt at the end.
I threw a temper tantrum with God. During the tantrum, I knew I'd have to repent for it, but I just didn't care - I was mad, and He was gonna hear it! I reminded him - YOU told me to come here! YOU SAID you would provide for me. YOU SAID you wanted me to trust you. YOU SAID, YOU SAID, YOU SAID. You said all this stuff, God - so WHERE ARE YOU? Why aren't you doing what you said? Oh yes, I was railing against God. I was really intense - I wanted to hit something or kick something or scream. I shook my fist and demanded He answer me. I cried and cried. Eventually the fight was drained out of me. I felt that I was given two verses...the first one was "you have been saved by GRACE, and NOT by works, so that no man can boast"...the second was "what you have begun in the spirit, do not finish in the flesh". Okay, loud and clear - Dayna, do not try to figure this out in your own strength...wait on Me. Ok, Lord - I will wait - but I am feeling like a racehorse at the gate, straining against the door, wanting to run out and do it myself, wanting to break through that door and make it happen. But I will wait.
I went to dinner and was telling Paul and Susan about my temper tantrum - Paul could understand - he's had a few himself. He reminded me to be patient, to wait on God. He laughingly told me I'd have to repent for my tantrum and I told I knew it, and I hoped it would have to be soon!
Later that night I was meeting with one of the teachers from the week and she gave me $20 - it was a start!
Friday morning arrived and I was the only one with outstanding fees due. The class prayed for me. Later, I handed the $20 over to Marleen, the girl who is in charge of outreach fees. At lunch she brought me a receipt - but wait...there were two receipts. I opened them up - one for the $20 and another with an anonymous donation for $300! I was excited, but still...there was another $633 to go - a long way.
Friday afternoon my small group went into town for some Jamba Juice and just to relax. We got back just before work duties were to start, but George told me that Ken had called and I needed to call him first. I called him in his office. Ken is the leader of our Crossroads class. He told me that a check for $100 had come in and I needed to come and endorse it. Then he told me that another $500 anonymous donation had been pledged, but had not yet come in - however, it was on it's way and so my outreach fees still outstanding were $33, which were waived. $920 in one day!!!!!! And of that, only $120 from people I knew. God DID come through...He took me to the very end of my rope, and then came in to rescue me.
Why did He wait so long? I'm convinced He's teaching me to trust in Him, stretching my faith. Teaching me not to do things in my own strength, but to wait on Him. It's a hard lesson for me. No. Really, it is a HARD, HARD lesson for me.
So, the end of this little story is that I'm all paid up for outreach!!! I'm excited! God came through! And I even learned a little something in all of it. Besides the stuff already mentioned, I also learned that God can use my anger to get me to be really, REALLY honest and real with Him, and through that He can work with me. I also learned that God has big shoulders and He can take it when I throw a fit. He doesn't punish me or impune me or tell me to get over it - He just lets me get it all out and then deals with me when I've calmed down.
There is more about what happened this week, but I'll save that for another time. For now - have a great weekend!!!
That is the number written on the whiteboard two weeks ago in front of my name. It is the amount of money that I was short for outreach fees. I had no idea how I would get it.
Should I empty out my emergency savings fund? Should I empty out my little bit of money in my checking account? Should I call my Dad and ask him for the money? Each time I took it to the Lord, I felt a holding back in my spirit. I continued to pray about it, waiting for Him to show me what to do.
The money was due Friday, March 10. A few days before that I received two anonymous donations to my account...one for $55 and one for $25. My balance went from $1,033 to $953. Still a long way to go. Maybe God would direct someone from church to give me money. I was believing Him for it, and I was being obedient in my waiting. Sunday came and went - nothing. What's up with this, Lord???
The deadline was extended to March 17. Another week. How would God provide? I continued to ask what I should do. As I would get caught up in worry I felt pulled back to trust God for this. I wanted to just jump in there and make it happen myself, but I've had enough bad experiences to know that I shouldn't try to make this happen in my own effort - but I was frustrated! Impatient!!
Thursday came. One more day til the money was due. Would you do it for me, God? I was railing against the limits of myself. I couldn't hold on any longer. I'd been saying that all week, but then would find the strength for one more day, but this time I really felt at the end.
I threw a temper tantrum with God. During the tantrum, I knew I'd have to repent for it, but I just didn't care - I was mad, and He was gonna hear it! I reminded him - YOU told me to come here! YOU SAID you would provide for me. YOU SAID you wanted me to trust you. YOU SAID, YOU SAID, YOU SAID. You said all this stuff, God - so WHERE ARE YOU? Why aren't you doing what you said? Oh yes, I was railing against God. I was really intense - I wanted to hit something or kick something or scream. I shook my fist and demanded He answer me. I cried and cried. Eventually the fight was drained out of me. I felt that I was given two verses...the first one was "you have been saved by GRACE, and NOT by works, so that no man can boast"...the second was "what you have begun in the spirit, do not finish in the flesh". Okay, loud and clear - Dayna, do not try to figure this out in your own strength...wait on Me. Ok, Lord - I will wait - but I am feeling like a racehorse at the gate, straining against the door, wanting to run out and do it myself, wanting to break through that door and make it happen. But I will wait.
I went to dinner and was telling Paul and Susan about my temper tantrum - Paul could understand - he's had a few himself. He reminded me to be patient, to wait on God. He laughingly told me I'd have to repent for my tantrum and I told I knew it, and I hoped it would have to be soon!
Later that night I was meeting with one of the teachers from the week and she gave me $20 - it was a start!
Friday morning arrived and I was the only one with outstanding fees due. The class prayed for me. Later, I handed the $20 over to Marleen, the girl who is in charge of outreach fees. At lunch she brought me a receipt - but wait...there were two receipts. I opened them up - one for the $20 and another with an anonymous donation for $300! I was excited, but still...there was another $633 to go - a long way.
Friday afternoon my small group went into town for some Jamba Juice and just to relax. We got back just before work duties were to start, but George told me that Ken had called and I needed to call him first. I called him in his office. Ken is the leader of our Crossroads class. He told me that a check for $100 had come in and I needed to come and endorse it. Then he told me that another $500 anonymous donation had been pledged, but had not yet come in - however, it was on it's way and so my outreach fees still outstanding were $33, which were waived. $920 in one day!!!!!! And of that, only $120 from people I knew. God DID come through...He took me to the very end of my rope, and then came in to rescue me.
Why did He wait so long? I'm convinced He's teaching me to trust in Him, stretching my faith. Teaching me not to do things in my own strength, but to wait on Him. It's a hard lesson for me. No. Really, it is a HARD, HARD lesson for me.
So, the end of this little story is that I'm all paid up for outreach!!! I'm excited! God came through! And I even learned a little something in all of it. Besides the stuff already mentioned, I also learned that God can use my anger to get me to be really, REALLY honest and real with Him, and through that He can work with me. I also learned that God has big shoulders and He can take it when I throw a fit. He doesn't punish me or impune me or tell me to get over it - He just lets me get it all out and then deals with me when I've calmed down.
There is more about what happened this week, but I'll save that for another time. For now - have a great weekend!!!
Friday, March 10, 2006
The Giftings of the Holy Spirit
This week our Crossroads class is combined with the DTS class, which is essentially the same as what we're doing, but for the "younger set"...it's been fun to be combined with them, because I guess I'm just young at heart and like to get right in there with 'em! It's been fun to razz them and throw paper wads at the guys in front of us who like to tease us and give us a hard time.
Our lectures this week have centered around the giftings of the Holy Spirit, with the basic premise of "demystifying" the gifts. I admit that I've had that "oooh aaaah" feeling about the more "out there" gifts...the twilight zoney ones (you know...prophecy, speaking in tongues, healing, etc...). It's been good to bring them into the everyday, normal living sort of framework.
We started by talking about the "office" gifts....like evangelist, pastor, teacher, etc....the ones that are for equipping people to do what they've been called to do - those are pretty straight forward. Then we moved on to the motivational gifts, which are the gifts that we are created for - prophecy, helps, teaching, exhortation, giving, administration and mercy. As suspected, my gifts are in the area of mercy and hospitality (giving). These are all pretty easy to grasp.
Today we moved on to the manifestation gifts, which are tools that help you to fulfill the motivatinoal gifts....these are the ones that can seem a little "twilighty", but our teacher was really able to put them into an everyday context. For example, have you ever been talking with someone and as you're talking you say something and they are like "wow - how did you know that?" or "you don't even know how much that means to me, what you just said"...well, that would be the gift of a word of knowledge. Or, another example...say you are having a problem and trying to figure out a way to deal with it. Suddenly, an idea comes to mind of how to resolve it...that would be a word of wisdom. Pretty simple, huh? It sure made me see that I've had these gifts and used them, but never had identified them as such before.
One thing that was SO important to me personally was talking about when people abuse the gifts of the Holy Spirit - I have been so suspicious of people who do all that "voodoo" stuff and knock people over and get all wild and crazy, yelling and talking in tongues and the total chaos - I've been hurt by this personally, but I've also just seen such a negative impact it has. I think this has kept me from embracing the Holy Spirit - but it comes down to the fact that I was judging the Holy Spirit based on man, not on who God is. Well - as it turns out...when people are working in the Holy Spirit, they can become knowledgeable as to how to "tap into" that power, so to speak...and so then, even if that person starts going down the wrong road - with control or immoral behavior or manipulation or whatever...all the bad things we associate with people who misuse the name of God - well, they can STILL tap into that power...God doesn't take it away! In the Bible it says that the gifts are essentially non-returnable - so once you have them, you can continue to use them - EVEN IF you are not living out a Godly life. It comes down to the fact that God is so DESPERATE to communicate with us that he'll even use really screwed up people - I guess just like he used the donkey, huh? Haha. But, the bottom line is that we ALWAYS, ALWAYS need to test the spirits and we ALWAYS need to remember that just because someone can work within the power of the Holy Spirit and can use these gifts...it is NO reflection on their moral character! I really needed to hear that and keep that one in my mind, and it relieves me from feeling like I have to believe someone just because they "seem" powerful in the Lord...
Today we got into small groups and, once again, prayed over each other. I just love that so much - it's so awesome to get a word from God through someone else! It is always very encouraging. We got into our outreach group for Fiji...we have such a fantastic group - it's going to be so awesome!!! As I am listening to God more, and recognizing His voice, I'm getting all sorts of pictures in my head, and my art has really taken off!! I've started a journal just specifically for pictures I see, so it's cool.
One area I continue to be so blessed in and feel such privelege to be part of is to watch Sierra. It's just been amazing. As you might remember, she is just crying OUT for a daddy from the depths of her heart and we've been praying about this and also just talking about the fact that a human daddy will not meet all of her needs or make her life perfect and that he'll be flawed and imperfect, but that God still wants to meet that desire of her heart. God is her perfect daddy, and to learn to really lean on him and trust him and let him love her (sort of like me...and all of us!!). Anyway, as we are continuing through the school it is just so awesome to see her opening up to that and to see her stepping out in faith - she's been raising her hands in worship and praying really awesome and intense prayers - even with other adults and kids around! She and two of her friends have started a Bible study and devotional time after school and she is just thrilled to go to Youth Group on Thursday nights. She's been seeing visions and hearing God speaking to her, too! It's just awesome. It's also just such a privelege to have her in the ICS school here on base where the kids pray together and the teacher prays with them and over them and encourages them in their faith - it really is just an amazing thing.
We've been working on learning some sign language to songs and some skits...it's really fun!! That is definitely an area I will enjoy!!
Well - that's alll for now...hope all are well! God Bless!
Our lectures this week have centered around the giftings of the Holy Spirit, with the basic premise of "demystifying" the gifts. I admit that I've had that "oooh aaaah" feeling about the more "out there" gifts...the twilight zoney ones (you know...prophecy, speaking in tongues, healing, etc...). It's been good to bring them into the everyday, normal living sort of framework.
We started by talking about the "office" gifts....like evangelist, pastor, teacher, etc....the ones that are for equipping people to do what they've been called to do - those are pretty straight forward. Then we moved on to the motivational gifts, which are the gifts that we are created for - prophecy, helps, teaching, exhortation, giving, administration and mercy. As suspected, my gifts are in the area of mercy and hospitality (giving). These are all pretty easy to grasp.
Today we moved on to the manifestation gifts, which are tools that help you to fulfill the motivatinoal gifts....these are the ones that can seem a little "twilighty", but our teacher was really able to put them into an everyday context. For example, have you ever been talking with someone and as you're talking you say something and they are like "wow - how did you know that?" or "you don't even know how much that means to me, what you just said"...well, that would be the gift of a word of knowledge. Or, another example...say you are having a problem and trying to figure out a way to deal with it. Suddenly, an idea comes to mind of how to resolve it...that would be a word of wisdom. Pretty simple, huh? It sure made me see that I've had these gifts and used them, but never had identified them as such before.
One thing that was SO important to me personally was talking about when people abuse the gifts of the Holy Spirit - I have been so suspicious of people who do all that "voodoo" stuff and knock people over and get all wild and crazy, yelling and talking in tongues and the total chaos - I've been hurt by this personally, but I've also just seen such a negative impact it has. I think this has kept me from embracing the Holy Spirit - but it comes down to the fact that I was judging the Holy Spirit based on man, not on who God is. Well - as it turns out...when people are working in the Holy Spirit, they can become knowledgeable as to how to "tap into" that power, so to speak...and so then, even if that person starts going down the wrong road - with control or immoral behavior or manipulation or whatever...all the bad things we associate with people who misuse the name of God - well, they can STILL tap into that power...God doesn't take it away! In the Bible it says that the gifts are essentially non-returnable - so once you have them, you can continue to use them - EVEN IF you are not living out a Godly life. It comes down to the fact that God is so DESPERATE to communicate with us that he'll even use really screwed up people - I guess just like he used the donkey, huh? Haha. But, the bottom line is that we ALWAYS, ALWAYS need to test the spirits and we ALWAYS need to remember that just because someone can work within the power of the Holy Spirit and can use these gifts...it is NO reflection on their moral character! I really needed to hear that and keep that one in my mind, and it relieves me from feeling like I have to believe someone just because they "seem" powerful in the Lord...
Today we got into small groups and, once again, prayed over each other. I just love that so much - it's so awesome to get a word from God through someone else! It is always very encouraging. We got into our outreach group for Fiji...we have such a fantastic group - it's going to be so awesome!!! As I am listening to God more, and recognizing His voice, I'm getting all sorts of pictures in my head, and my art has really taken off!! I've started a journal just specifically for pictures I see, so it's cool.
One area I continue to be so blessed in and feel such privelege to be part of is to watch Sierra. It's just been amazing. As you might remember, she is just crying OUT for a daddy from the depths of her heart and we've been praying about this and also just talking about the fact that a human daddy will not meet all of her needs or make her life perfect and that he'll be flawed and imperfect, but that God still wants to meet that desire of her heart. God is her perfect daddy, and to learn to really lean on him and trust him and let him love her (sort of like me...and all of us!!). Anyway, as we are continuing through the school it is just so awesome to see her opening up to that and to see her stepping out in faith - she's been raising her hands in worship and praying really awesome and intense prayers - even with other adults and kids around! She and two of her friends have started a Bible study and devotional time after school and she is just thrilled to go to Youth Group on Thursday nights. She's been seeing visions and hearing God speaking to her, too! It's just awesome. It's also just such a privelege to have her in the ICS school here on base where the kids pray together and the teacher prays with them and over them and encourages them in their faith - it really is just an amazing thing.
We've been working on learning some sign language to songs and some skits...it's really fun!! That is definitely an area I will enjoy!!
Well - that's alll for now...hope all are well! God Bless!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
More Onion Peels
This week was so great, although it was quite intense!! We went over several topics this week, including things like living in the Spirit, the giftings of the Holy Spirit, Forgiveness and Maturity. On Thursday we prayed and asked God to reveal any areas of unforgiveness in our hearts. Well, we've been working in this area for some time, so I figured I was all done and didn't have anything else to forgive. Guess God had some other ideas!! I started getting all sorts of the dumbest things from way back when...I was actually laughing because they seemed so lame, but I figured "hey - I want it all out! I don't want any obstacles to getting all that God has for me"...so, I went ahead and wrote them down.
Later that night we got together as a class and we spoke out forgiveness to the people we needed to, and then we spoke blessings out for them. After this we tore up the papers and proclaimed "it is finished!" and then we were each prayed for.
As Dick was praying for me, he said he felt the Lord was saying that I am suspicious and lacking in trust and that he wants to heal me of this. He also claimed the scripture over me and Sierra that God is a father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless and that His love be sufficient for us in this time. Another scripture he felt God was giving him was the God sets the lonely into families and also that he is making me to be a spring of living water, flowing from my innermost being and that many people will come to that for rest and refuge.
Well, that was all well and good, but I was having trouble getting over the first part of that prayer. I thought "Hey, I'm not suspicious. I trust. What is he talking about? He's obviously off base" (you know...we do that! Haha) I went home and was questioning God about it - what does that MEAN, God? Do YOU see me like that? Show me if you do, but it doesn't seem right to me." Later Sierra came home from Youth Group and I asked her - "do I seem like I don't trust people?" and she said "Oh no, momma, you trust" (which was the right answer, right?? hehe). I was really troubled by it and asked the Lord to show me if I was that way.
The next morning (Friday) we were in worship and I was worshipping and all of a sudden it hit me...I knew what it meant. God had been faithful and shown me. I don't trust that people actually like me or that I can be loved by God or others. I am suspicious of anyone's love for me and am constantly looking for (and finding) the evidence that they truly don't love me or even really like me. Earlier in the school I felt that God had revealed to me that I don't even know HOW to receive love, so this was a deeper revelation along those lines. I was devastated and crying out to God to show me HOW to receive love, to teach me to feel secure in the love others have for me. I spent a good, long time crying about it.
Later during a break I went up to our speaker Dick Schroeder, the man who had prayed over me. I told him how I had felt when he prayed that over me and the revelation I'd had about what it meant and asked him to pray with me for God to heal me in this area. He says "well, would you be willing to share this with the class?"
Oh man. I must have had a "deer in the headlights" look to me, but I remembered that God had told me that he would give me specific steps, and I would need to be obedient to them. I just didn't realize it would include public humiliation!!! Well, I wanted to be obedient - but more so, I wanted healing, so I agreed to share it with the class.
After break, Dick had me come up and share what was goin on for me - I had a hard time getting it out as I was crying and embarrassed and ashamed. "Hello, my name is Dayna and I feel unloveable"...it was hard!! Then Dick said he'd like to pray for me and asked if anyone would like to come up and lay hands on me and pray with him - well, the whole class just rushed up to the front! I was kind of embarrassed, but it was really neat. There is this man Paul who I just adore - he's a great big bear of a man and just as tender as can be. He made a beeline for me and just enveloped me in his arms while everyone else gathered around me and started praying. I was bawling, Paul was crying and I think others were, too. The whole time Paul was just whispering affirmations to me while everyone prayed. This went on for about 20 minutes. After, Dick said that this is an example of New Testament Christianity and living by the Spirit. It was really awesome and I so appreciated it - so I am trusting that God is healing me in this area and that the love of others and of God will begin to soak into my innermost being now. Amen!!
Yesterday afternoon I was in town and crossing the street and there was a car that was coming on pretty fast, so I started to jog across - all of a sudden there was a "SNAP POP" in my ankle and I thought I was going to go down - the oncoming car kept me motivated to continue forward, but boy did it hurt. I have no idea what I did to it, but it's all swollen and sore now. Please pray for me!
Another area I need continue prayer support is in the finances for our outreach - the cost is going to be approximately $1000 more than anticipated! Please pray for me in this area, too.
As promised, here are some pictures!! I know, I know...FINALLY, right? Haha. Well, here goes -
This is Sierra's class - they lead worship for our class sometimes. This was the first time they did it and they did so well!! Sierra is singing - she's the one with the Superman sweatshirt on.
This is me. Sierra and I hiked up to the crosses that are way (waaaaayyyy) up on the hill - it was a pretty steep hike. There are three crosses up there. There were some big rocks around the base of the crosses, so we scratched some things into them that we were laying down at the cross and left them there symbolically. I figure if I want to pick that stuff up again I'd have to hike way up there and carry that big old rock down with me, so it's a good motivation to leave it for God to deal with!
This is Reanna - she's 15 and is one of the kids of another family in my class. The teacher for the kids school was leaving, so they had a surprise going away party for her - this happened while we were getting the room ready - they had way too much fun with that silly string!!
Here are some of the kids on base - we went on a hike one day to Mushroom Rock, which is really cool. Just under the top there is this little keyhole opening you climb through, which is fun. The kids are (front left) Reanna, Jenna, Malina, JP and Sierra is in the back.
Well, it seems that the internet connection is getting fussy - the last three attempts to add more pictures have been unsuccessful - so I guess that's all for now, folks! Have a wonderful week! And THANK YOU for the wonderful comments and emails to encourage me - I appreciate it so much!
Later that night we got together as a class and we spoke out forgiveness to the people we needed to, and then we spoke blessings out for them. After this we tore up the papers and proclaimed "it is finished!" and then we were each prayed for.
As Dick was praying for me, he said he felt the Lord was saying that I am suspicious and lacking in trust and that he wants to heal me of this. He also claimed the scripture over me and Sierra that God is a father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless and that His love be sufficient for us in this time. Another scripture he felt God was giving him was the God sets the lonely into families and also that he is making me to be a spring of living water, flowing from my innermost being and that many people will come to that for rest and refuge.
Well, that was all well and good, but I was having trouble getting over the first part of that prayer. I thought "Hey, I'm not suspicious. I trust. What is he talking about? He's obviously off base" (you know...we do that! Haha) I went home and was questioning God about it - what does that MEAN, God? Do YOU see me like that? Show me if you do, but it doesn't seem right to me." Later Sierra came home from Youth Group and I asked her - "do I seem like I don't trust people?" and she said "Oh no, momma, you trust" (which was the right answer, right?? hehe). I was really troubled by it and asked the Lord to show me if I was that way.
The next morning (Friday) we were in worship and I was worshipping and all of a sudden it hit me...I knew what it meant. God had been faithful and shown me. I don't trust that people actually like me or that I can be loved by God or others. I am suspicious of anyone's love for me and am constantly looking for (and finding) the evidence that they truly don't love me or even really like me. Earlier in the school I felt that God had revealed to me that I don't even know HOW to receive love, so this was a deeper revelation along those lines. I was devastated and crying out to God to show me HOW to receive love, to teach me to feel secure in the love others have for me. I spent a good, long time crying about it.
Later during a break I went up to our speaker Dick Schroeder, the man who had prayed over me. I told him how I had felt when he prayed that over me and the revelation I'd had about what it meant and asked him to pray with me for God to heal me in this area. He says "well, would you be willing to share this with the class?"
Oh man. I must have had a "deer in the headlights" look to me, but I remembered that God had told me that he would give me specific steps, and I would need to be obedient to them. I just didn't realize it would include public humiliation!!! Well, I wanted to be obedient - but more so, I wanted healing, so I agreed to share it with the class.
After break, Dick had me come up and share what was goin on for me - I had a hard time getting it out as I was crying and embarrassed and ashamed. "Hello, my name is Dayna and I feel unloveable"...it was hard!! Then Dick said he'd like to pray for me and asked if anyone would like to come up and lay hands on me and pray with him - well, the whole class just rushed up to the front! I was kind of embarrassed, but it was really neat. There is this man Paul who I just adore - he's a great big bear of a man and just as tender as can be. He made a beeline for me and just enveloped me in his arms while everyone else gathered around me and started praying. I was bawling, Paul was crying and I think others were, too. The whole time Paul was just whispering affirmations to me while everyone prayed. This went on for about 20 minutes. After, Dick said that this is an example of New Testament Christianity and living by the Spirit. It was really awesome and I so appreciated it - so I am trusting that God is healing me in this area and that the love of others and of God will begin to soak into my innermost being now. Amen!!
Yesterday afternoon I was in town and crossing the street and there was a car that was coming on pretty fast, so I started to jog across - all of a sudden there was a "SNAP POP" in my ankle and I thought I was going to go down - the oncoming car kept me motivated to continue forward, but boy did it hurt. I have no idea what I did to it, but it's all swollen and sore now. Please pray for me!
Another area I need continue prayer support is in the finances for our outreach - the cost is going to be approximately $1000 more than anticipated! Please pray for me in this area, too.
As promised, here are some pictures!! I know, I know...FINALLY, right? Haha. Well, here goes -
This is Sierra's class - they lead worship for our class sometimes. This was the first time they did it and they did so well!! Sierra is singing - she's the one with the Superman sweatshirt on.
This is me. Sierra and I hiked up to the crosses that are way (waaaaayyyy) up on the hill - it was a pretty steep hike. There are three crosses up there. There were some big rocks around the base of the crosses, so we scratched some things into them that we were laying down at the cross and left them there symbolically. I figure if I want to pick that stuff up again I'd have to hike way up there and carry that big old rock down with me, so it's a good motivation to leave it for God to deal with!
This is Reanna - she's 15 and is one of the kids of another family in my class. The teacher for the kids school was leaving, so they had a surprise going away party for her - this happened while we were getting the room ready - they had way too much fun with that silly string!!
Here are some of the kids on base - we went on a hike one day to Mushroom Rock, which is really cool. Just under the top there is this little keyhole opening you climb through, which is fun. The kids are (front left) Reanna, Jenna, Malina, JP and Sierra is in the back.Well, it seems that the internet connection is getting fussy - the last three attempts to add more pictures have been unsuccessful - so I guess that's all for now, folks! Have a wonderful week! And THANK YOU for the wonderful comments and emails to encourage me - I appreciate it so much!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig
Over the weekend I rented a car and Sierra and I went home for the weekend!! It was so great!! We took off on Friday afternoon and came home Sunday night.
At the last minute, a girl asked us for a ride to Sacramento, so we also took her to Sac. We ended up getting home around 8 o'clock or so, and I was so touched because my sister and her whole family were there waiting for us! It really blessed me. My dad had also stayed up to visit with us, which was so cool because he had to leave at 1:00 in the morning to go test the car and wasn't there the rest of the weekend.
A few weeks ago I had purposed it in my heart to cuddle with my dad and to hang out with him and visit more. Now, my dad is not the cuddly type and I haven't EVER done this, so it was a big deal!! I told him I was going to do it and we'd both feel weird about it, but we'd just have to get through it. So, I got my first opportunity on Friday night and laid up against him on the couch and put his arm around me! It was cool - ok, it was a little awkward, but it was still cool!! A great start!
It was just nice to be with my family and visit. I went on a long walk with my mom (paid for that for a few days!!) and Sierra got to spend time with her cousins. All the Murphy Women took a special communion together on Saturday with our friend MaryAnn, who taught me a new way to do communion...in fact, I'm going to be sharing it with my class tomorrow! It's called Mime Communion, but that's all I'll tell you.
We went to church on Sunday and I kept getting comments from friends about how they saw me dancing during service!! Haha - that was funny - I told my friend Angie that YWAM makes you a hyper Christian, and she thought there was real truth to that! LOL.
The funny thing is that the service was about the Extravagent Father Heart of God...which is what we've spent the last 6 weeks learning!! In fact, the sermon centered around the father from the story of the prodigal son and that is exactly what we were learning about last week! Isn't God funny?? Apparently I'm a little slow at this concept, because he just keeps bringing it. Haha.
We headed home on Sunday and tried to stay in front of a big storm that was coming in - we made it home safe and sound and everyone was glad to see us home safe.
This week we are learning about living a Spirit filled life, and it is just awesome. I was hit really hard on Monday with all of that old *stuff*....rejection, doubt, identity crisis, feeling useless and out of place....it just comes, doesn't it?? Sometimes it is hard to be a single mom - you always need to be strong even when you don't think you have any strength. You are always "on" whether you have the energy or not. You don't fit with the singles and you don't fit with the marrieds. It seems like everyone else can be used but you. Oh yes, it was hitting me heavy!! I prayed and was still feeling down so I went to my friend Mirriam who was a single mom for many years (her kids are all grown now) and she was really able to minister to me and pray with me and encourage me - this is one thing I just love about community!!! The next morning we had intercession and, come to find out, a couple of the guys in my prayer group had been having similar stuff go on the day before. Then at break I found out my other friend was also having similar stuff going on - so many of us under attack!! We all prayed together and were encouraged. We decided that the enemy only comes against us when we are a threat or when something is coming to us, so we counted it as all joy the trials!
So, all is going well - we are preparing for Fiji. This week is really hectic and we've had night meetings every night all week, plus our houses are being inspected today so we had to get them cleaned up. This weekend a few people are going to Yosemite, but most of us will stay here and relax.
At the last minute, a girl asked us for a ride to Sacramento, so we also took her to Sac. We ended up getting home around 8 o'clock or so, and I was so touched because my sister and her whole family were there waiting for us! It really blessed me. My dad had also stayed up to visit with us, which was so cool because he had to leave at 1:00 in the morning to go test the car and wasn't there the rest of the weekend.
A few weeks ago I had purposed it in my heart to cuddle with my dad and to hang out with him and visit more. Now, my dad is not the cuddly type and I haven't EVER done this, so it was a big deal!! I told him I was going to do it and we'd both feel weird about it, but we'd just have to get through it. So, I got my first opportunity on Friday night and laid up against him on the couch and put his arm around me! It was cool - ok, it was a little awkward, but it was still cool!! A great start!
It was just nice to be with my family and visit. I went on a long walk with my mom (paid for that for a few days!!) and Sierra got to spend time with her cousins. All the Murphy Women took a special communion together on Saturday with our friend MaryAnn, who taught me a new way to do communion...in fact, I'm going to be sharing it with my class tomorrow! It's called Mime Communion, but that's all I'll tell you.
We went to church on Sunday and I kept getting comments from friends about how they saw me dancing during service!! Haha - that was funny - I told my friend Angie that YWAM makes you a hyper Christian, and she thought there was real truth to that! LOL.
The funny thing is that the service was about the Extravagent Father Heart of God...which is what we've spent the last 6 weeks learning!! In fact, the sermon centered around the father from the story of the prodigal son and that is exactly what we were learning about last week! Isn't God funny?? Apparently I'm a little slow at this concept, because he just keeps bringing it. Haha.
We headed home on Sunday and tried to stay in front of a big storm that was coming in - we made it home safe and sound and everyone was glad to see us home safe.
This week we are learning about living a Spirit filled life, and it is just awesome. I was hit really hard on Monday with all of that old *stuff*....rejection, doubt, identity crisis, feeling useless and out of place....it just comes, doesn't it?? Sometimes it is hard to be a single mom - you always need to be strong even when you don't think you have any strength. You are always "on" whether you have the energy or not. You don't fit with the singles and you don't fit with the marrieds. It seems like everyone else can be used but you. Oh yes, it was hitting me heavy!! I prayed and was still feeling down so I went to my friend Mirriam who was a single mom for many years (her kids are all grown now) and she was really able to minister to me and pray with me and encourage me - this is one thing I just love about community!!! The next morning we had intercession and, come to find out, a couple of the guys in my prayer group had been having similar stuff go on the day before. Then at break I found out my other friend was also having similar stuff going on - so many of us under attack!! We all prayed together and were encouraged. We decided that the enemy only comes against us when we are a threat or when something is coming to us, so we counted it as all joy the trials!
So, all is going well - we are preparing for Fiji. This week is really hectic and we've had night meetings every night all week, plus our houses are being inspected today so we had to get them cleaned up. This weekend a few people are going to Yosemite, but most of us will stay here and relax.
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