Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Frustrations

Well, I guess it was inevitable...anxiety, frustration and short tempers. As I take a moment to decompress and focus on where my emotions are at, I realize a few things. First, I am really excited about going, but it's almost as though I'm fearful of expressing the true extent of my excitement for concern of making those I love feel as though I'm not going to miss them, or that I'm ditching them for some big adventure...as a result, I think I'm a bit more "blase" about my excitement than what's really going on. Second, I know that Sierra has mixed feelings about going...part of her is excited and part of her is feeling like she's going to be missing out on a lot of stuff here. I find myself catering to that part of her that is feeling like she's going to miss out and going out of my way to make this easier on her. So...what I'm doing is stuff like not asking for her help, letting her spend loads of time with friends and basically saying "yes" to a whole lot of stuff that I would not normally say "yes" to - and this ends up overextending me so that I get short tempered and stressed about all the money going OUT instead of IN.

On one hand, I'm glad she's spending time with friends and getting to say goodbye, but I need to take a better look at what I can and cannot handle and act accordingly. This is a common theme in my life, one I've struggled with forever - I'm the proverbial "yes" person, even when it's not something I can really take on. I am trying to learn to get in touch with myself better so that I can take an accurate account of what I can and cannot do, and then to say "no" when I really can't do something. I've found that I'm so out of touch that it's not until I've gone under for the 3rd time that I even realize I'm in over my head!!!! Hello!

Okay - now that you know this about me, don't ask me to do anything!!! Haha!! =)

Well, you wanted a real perspective on what it's like to move to another country to do missions work, and here ya have it...up to the minute!! I feel a lot better now, having dumped it all into written fashion, so I think I'll go say yes to something...

Just kidding.

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